Down in the Chthonic Deeps: May 2018

Druids of the Old Ways

In these current times of Truth, Culture, and Enlightenment, Druids have had to change. They accept cities as their own environments, alien to their own, and have accepted their small, verdant bastions on the edges of Civilisation, filling in the gaps as it were. Indeed, at this point, this is all some Druids have ever known.

Some refuse this.

Out on the Frontiers, in the Deepest Forests, Druids of the Old Ways still lurk, primal and wild, still in touch with the Earth they speak to through their feet, still whispering to the trees, and the flowers, and the animals. They watch through dust-scratched eyes at the pomp and self-importance of Civilisation and loathe it.

They want it to wither and die.

Druid Aspects:

1 - Skies - The powers of the winds, and the clouds, and the weather.
2 - Predators - They take what strength allows, though they walk alone.
3 - Swarms - They flow and roil, and will always find a way to survive.
4 - Spores - They spread slow roots, and only fruit and bloom when necessary.
5 - Feathers - They spread their wings and take flight, speeding through the air.
6 - Trees - They have a hide of bark, limbs like branches, hair like leaves.
7 - Petals - They blossom with beauty, though hidden when they wish it.
8 - Herds - They stand firm and tall together, and alone they are lost.
9 - Scales - They slither and crawl, cold blood in their veins.
10 - Fins - They swim and dive, the water is their world, not our solid hell.
11 - Winds - They whirl and cavort as they please, winding and free.
12 - Flames - They are bright burning and endlessly feasting, theirs is fury and chaos.
13 - Waves - They are a slow strength, but in the end, they always win.
14 - Stones - They have roots of rock, the strength of stone, and tectonic intuition.
15 - Claws - They slice and catch, digging into flesh, hooked and curved.
16 - Rots - They break down what others leave behind, one's waste is their treasure.
17 - Bloods - They hold the crimson key of life in their hands, dripping from their chins.
18 - Packs - They have the strength of the pack, and the strength of the pack is them.
19 - Webs - They trap and subsume, awaiting their prey to come to them.
20 - Nights - They are the watching eyes in the dark, the black figure in the distance.

There are no Druids of Bones, those are the Domain of the Shaman.

Their magic is slow and flexible, and is only decided through committee. They have no power of their own, they borrow t from the earth, and must offer gifts and friendship in return. Rituals and rites are theirs for the world to listen, and they take their knowledge of what has worked before, for the tastes of the earth are slow to change.

They alter the world to their wishes, they command the elements, they befriend animals and banish foul humours, they cleanse and dirty, they preserve and defile in turn, they reap and they sow again, but only at the whim of the world, at the pace of the natural order.

These are their homes:

Blood Aspect Groves
1 - A Space set about with Bones and Blood
2 - An Area with a Wall of Sewn Guts
3 - A Deep Hole Stained Red and Strewn with Bone
4 - Bones Hang by Gut-Springs from Branches

Building-Aspect Groves
1 - A Ring of Stacks of Stones
2 - In Ruins Torn by Trees
3 - Within a Wooden Pallisade
4 - A Stone Patio-Mural
5 - An Overgrown Henge
6 - A Ring of Standing Stones

Tree-Aspect Groves
1 - A Cathedral of Tall Trees
2 - A Hollow beneath Arching Roots
3 - A Stand of Trees
4 - A Huge Ring of Bushes
5 - A Platform Ringing a Great Tree
6 - A Glade Cleared of Trees

Water-Aspect Groves
1 - A Circular Lake with an Island
2 - A Crescent Bay
3 - A Ring of Coral
4 - A Clearing in a Kelp Forest

Fields Grove
1 - A Scorched Glade
2 - A Circular Hill with a Bare Top
3 - A Mushroom Circle
4 - Within a Ring of Brambles

Mountain Grove
1 - A Mountain Plateau
2 - A Mountain Peak
3 - A Cave at the Bottom of a Crevasse
4 - In a Volcano's Caldera

Underground Grove
1 - A Painted Cave Beneath the Earth
2 - A Gently Sloping Pit in the Earth
3 - A Cave that Admits a Glorious Shaft of Light
4 - A Deep Shaft of Empty Darkness

They are utterly unlike us, they drink toasts with the mud, they share food with the beasts, mouth to mouth, they drink from the udders of trees, their homes are not homes are we know them. They submit only to strength and the will of the earth. Some groves follow Arch-Druids, strong like stones. Some follow the beasts who only last night mauled and ate the last Arch-Druid in their sleep.

If they were still worthy of being an Arch-Druid, they wouldn't have been eaten.

These are their Allies:

1 - A Local Spirit God
2 - Animal Kings
3 - A Local Monster
4 - Powerful Monsters
5 - A Naturalised Druid
6 - A Fae Contingent
7 - A Colossal Beast
8 - A Tree, brimming with Anger
9 - The Very Sky Itself
10 - The Very Land Itself

Their Magic, as has been said, is the Magic of the Earth. It is also the Magic of Connections. If a Druid is sick, they must offer medicine to the mountain where the plants they ate were taken from, or to the woods where their meat was hunted, for that must be where the sickness had its original root. If they wish to curse their enemy, they must find a herd of deer from which they last took their food, what easier way to harm a person than through their stomach? If they wish to bring rain, they must stab the earth with knives to bleed it of its water, how else can they get it to beg for more?

These are their Holy of Holies:

1 - A Great Spirit Tree
2 - A Mighty Foundation Stone
3 - The Bones of a Titan
4 - A Grand-Totem
5 - A Thunder-Circle
6 - A Unique Stone-Formation
7 - A Hot Spring
8 - An Almighty Semi-Sentient Plant
9 - A Causeway of Hexagonal Stones
10 - A Pit of Endless Flames

Travelers on the roads tell many strange stories of the Druids of the Old Ways. Most all of them end up being true too, though sometimes the travelers aren't even aware that the cause of what they have seen is the Druids. They see strange formations of rock and the trees that have improbably grown around them, they see odd lights in the vast distance, of a small stand of trees that issues forth oceans of mist. They see animals with the heads and faces of men, they see trees branches that end in flakes of stone, they see rivers that run not with water, but with clouds. They see that stars fall to earth and dance around rings of stones.

These are their Strange Rituals:

1 - They have built a great Pyramid of Wood and now they burn it, they cast leaves into the flames and breathe in the heady smokes
2 - They have strewn the whole, still-living body of a beast about the trees and dance in the bloody rain that falls from it even as it screams
3 - They paint the grove in Psychadelic Hues, whirling and twirling and trilling to the beats of strange drums and eerie songs
4 - They dress themselves in bones and twist their bodies around them, cutting themselves on their own clothes, as the blood-lust sets in
5 - They trail chords behind themselves, sewing them together as they dance, some of them become trapped within it, as the dance intensifies
6 - They process around the grove as the Sun rises, they watch as the light rests on the Grove, cheer, and then bathe it in blood to trace the path of the light
7 - They dig at the earth with their hands and smear it on their bodies, they eat the worms they find, they chew in the roots, they push stones down their throats
8 - They rut together in a tangle of limbs, berries and fruits are pushed into mouths and smeared on flesh, bones break, teeth fly, blood spills
9 - They drag forward a beast, tie its legs together and push it to the ground, then they beat it with rods until it is a bloody pulp slopping further and further apart
10 - They swim together, diving and cavorting about the waters, they grab fish with their hands and tear them apart with their teeth, they wind weeds about their limbs
11 - They dance in the rain, beat their feet into the mud as their arms are raised up to the clouds, they scream and yell, clawing at the air
12 - They sit in a circle, each with an animal in their arms, they hold them close and delicately, cooing to them, stroking their skin, feeding them small morsels

They cannot help but change their shapes sometimes. Sometimes they cannot change back. The worms that speak with the voices of men, the trees that sing songs in the wind, the man with hooves for hands and with insects for his tongue, they are druids, and they are not even particularly bothered by it. They can always change it later. They never do, they take it as it comes, they flow like water through the tides of life. Even if a full-formed Bear were to tear forth from their chest, taking with it their lungs and their heart, they would not mind as their body exploded around them. This has been observed and recorded by civilised folk. The records were later burned by the Witch-Finders.

These are the signs of their Devotion:

1 - Their Eyes are the Eyes of another Beast
2 - They bear mighty Antlers on their Heads
3 - They have vines twisting into and round their skin
4 - They have flowers blossoming from their hair
5 - Their skin is as bark, ragged and jagged
6 - Their skin is covered in mangy and patchy fur
7 - Their hands end in wickedly sharp claws
8 - Their flesh is like stone, rumbling as they move
9 - Their flesh crawls with insects, no, is insects
10 - They sprout fruiting fungal bodies from their back
11 - They have a crest of feathers running down their arms
12 - Their flanks are covered in a coating of scales
13 - Their skin is coloured in many bright hues
14 - Their mouth is full of mud that spills forth in a torrent
15 - Their blood is the filthy water of defiled lakes
16 - Their limbs are long and stretched, ending in huge hands and feet
17 - Their bones are bared to the whole world through ragged holes
18 - Their flesh is covered by armoured chitine-plates
19 - Beneath their thin skin, their flesh is a mess of rotten plant-meat
20 - They have too many limbs, like a spider

They do not hate life, they hate order. They do not hate the stones, they hate the cities they are built into. They do not hate you, they hate what you have learned, what you will try to spread, what you are a sign of. Thus, they will expunge you. Perhaps they will also ask the Shaman to rend apart your spirit once they have rended apart your flesh and bones and painted themselves with the fluids of your eyes and brains.

This is what they fight with:

1 - A Crooked Spear tipped with Flint
2 - A set of Beast-Claws wrapped into their fists like Knuckle-Dusters
3 - A Great Club of Bones tied together with dried sinews
4 - A Whip of still-living and whipping roots studded with thorns
5 - Their own Bear Hands, tipped with wicked nails, stained with blood
6 - A Wind that flows about them, Suspending Razor-Rocks within it
7 - A Swarm of Insects and bugs that swirls about their arm
8 - A Bubble of Earth that flows around them at their feet like a dog
9 - A Team of Beasts who heed the words of the Druid
10 - An Improbable Storm-Cloud, bristling with thunder
11 - A Wood and Bone Apparatus, sporting at the end the snapping jaws of a beast
12 - A Mantle of waving Tentacles of bone and meat
13 - A Rock, pitted and stained, sparks fly from it when it strikes
14 - A Flame that lives within their chests, they let it free as they breathe and scream
15 - They Crawl in the Mud, and their limbs burst forth from it in improbable places
16 - Their jaws distend, and a Tide of Spider Limbs roils forth from their gaping maw
17 - Their Own Bones burst forth from their flesh, whirling and whipping about them
18 - They Dance crazily and jauntily, and the dance is infectious
19 - They Weep, and as their tears hit the earth, the Earth sprouts forth teeth and jaws
20 - Their Blood tears itself from their flesh and forms jagged, crimson thorns and brambles

Gardens of the Briar Hags

Hmmm, I seem to find myself writing more and more adventure outlines. I don't seem to mind this.
Anyways:

The Hook

Out in the woods, far from any village, is a grand and winding Hedge, perfectly trimmed and metres tall. It encompasses a huge area of the woods, and no-one really knows what lies within; except that it is all gardens of the most beautiful and wondrous sort.

It is the Gardens of a Coven of Briar Hags, botanical spirits of nurturing and growth, twisted and crooked by superstition and myth. They spend their days tending to the plants and holding High Tea with Nymphs and Dryads, and they abhor outsiders. Still, this does not deter the bravest and most foolish from attempting to trespass their sacred space. Those that return bring tales of impossible beauty and strange treasures, and also of terrifying plant-beasts and dangers. This does not deter future trespassers.

The Characters of the Gardens

THE HAGS

There are three Hags that dwell within the Gardens; Granny Thistles, Nanny Greenteeth, and Auntie Midden.

Auntie Midden
This Hag cares for the Mushroom Patch particularly, and is responsible for consolidating waste into the Compost Heap. Her skin is soft and milky, her clothes mouldy and fruiting. She is always damp and smells like oldness. She is meek for the most part, but quickly blooms into a great anger when threatened. She nurtures, but often in the form of benign neglect; she inspects the Mushroom Patches very thoroughly, but rarely takes much action unless forced to. She is more proactive with the Hanging Garden however; though that mainly takes the form of carefully arranged frames for the creepers and plants to grow up and spill out from. She somehow still creates arrangements of great beauty with her laissez faire gardening.
Her schedule takes her all about the Gardens, collecting waste and dumping it on the Compost Heap. She spends a lot of time in the Mushroom Patch and Hanging Garden too.

Nanny Greenteeth
The youngest of the Hags, she is endlessly energetic and enthusiastic of her care of the Vegetable Patch, Herb Garden and endless trimming of the Hedge Maze. She is particularly fond of the hard-fleshed plants like the trees and bushes, and often forgoes her secateurs for her huge beaver-teeth, gnawing away at branch and trunk. The least subtle of the hags, she scoffs down sandwiches and drags huge wheelbarrows of tools behind her, ladening herself down with axes, shovels, rakes. Her greatest pride is the Promenade through the Arboretum, which she has devoted herself to above all other parts of the garden, though she does have a soft spot for the vegetables too, which she prepares for the Hag's meals.
Her schedule takes her around from the Herb Garden to the Vegetable Patch, round the Hedge Maze, and finally through the Arboretum.

Granny Thistles
The oldest and most careful of the Hags, Granny Thistles is the most meticulous of the three, and the only one who cares for the Rose Garden: she will not permit the others to touch it save with their feet and gaze. Her hair is knotted brambles woven around flowers, and her eyebrows thorns. Her gaze is stern, and her hands and flesh gnarled. She has the greatest access to and affect on the powers of the Garden, which slightly twists in her presence, more so when she is angered. Of all the Hags, it obeys her over all.
Her schedule takes her down the western side of the Gardens, beginning in the Flower Beds, then the Rockery and Water Gardens, then the Butterfly Gardens, and then down the Promenade to the Rose Garden, where she spends much of her greatest efforts.

"Nephew"

What the Hags will only refer to as "Nephew" is an immense Stone Elemental who dwells in the earth beneath the gardens. How he came to be there, no one is telling. How he came to hold a pseudo familial relation to the Hags, no one could say. But when the Hags are run tagged by trespassers and thieves, they call upon nephew to teach the interlopers a lesson.

They only do this in the most due of circumstances, since he inevitably brings devastation to the garden with him.

The Nymphs

The Nymphs of the Gardens are relatively peaceful and benign creatures, four in all, dwelling in the various fountains and water features of the Gardens. Their names are Pacifi, Atlanta, Arcturus, and India.

Pacifi is the Nymph of the waterfall and lake in the Water Gardens, and is the oldest and strongest of the four. She is beautiful, interesting, and utterly bored. She knows much of trees and the waters, but she desperately yearns to know more of the world beyond the borders of the garden. Of all the Nymphs, she is most likely to both be able to, and want to, stand up to the hags.

Atlanta is the Nymph of the fountain at the heart of the Hedge Maze. She is rambley, engaging in excruciatingly circular conversations, entirely oblivious to the annoyance of her audience. She knows much of the flowers of the Garden, and desires only to be content, and to feel joy. She will stand up to the Hags for those she likes.

Arcturus is the Nymph of the ice pool in the Rockery. He is cold and distant, and will rarely share his knowledge of stone. He craves Pathos, but his personality makes the chances that he will ever receive it desperately slim. He will turn over intruders to the Hags without much thought of it.

Finally India is the Nymph of the hot springs in the Hanging Gardens. She is mysterious and exotic, and is intimately familiar with the roots and things that creep beneath the earth. She desires to be exposed to beauty, and craves new and pleasurable experiences. She will help those who please her, but not to any particular difficulty.

The Dryads

The Dryads are altogether stranger than the Nymphs. They care for the living plants and growing things of the world, and thus they are drawn in great numbers to the Garden of the Hags. They have no particular innate love of the Hags, save for their care for their plants, and as such they share a sort of distant alliance of convenience.

They are subservient to a being who lives just behind the bark of Trees, the Great God Pan. Pan is ancient, wild, and powerful, on par with the oldest Forest Gods. For the most part he dwells in a pseudo-dimension of wood, an eternal bacchanalia of unrestrained decadence. He can be tempted away from his revelry, though only by the most interesting individuals and requests. He is dark and monstrous beneath a thin veneer of light-heartedness, huge and wooden, with a barely formed face and huge, curled branch-antlers. The trees are his first and foremost love, followed closely by unrestrained, animalistic desires of course.

The Gardens

The Hag's Cottage
Here is the Home of the Hags, their rooms, their secret belongings, their larder, and the prison which lies beneath it. They sleep here, or maybe they only pretend to sleep. They certainly cook here, and some of what they make is even edible, potentially even beneficial! There are many traps however; nothing malicious of course, it is merely that the natural habitat of the Hag is naturally inimical to humans.
Connects to the Herb Garden, the Flower Beds, and the Vegetable Patch.

The Herb Garden
The herb garden contains many rare and unusual herbs, some unknown to even the most ardent herbologist. They are ripe for the taking, but the Hags come here early in the day, and will quickly notice theft.
Contains the "Tower Ruins", gothically-inclined psuedo-ruins built for the aesthetic pleasure of the Hags, and now home to a Spirit that represents this fascination with decay and destruction, at least on the facade level.
Connects to the Hag's Cottage, the Flower Beds, and the Vegetable Patch.

The Flower Beds
Here, flowers are allowed to grow wild and rampant, with occasional pruning and nudging. There is much beauty here, enchanting and wild.
Contains the Greenhouse, the Glass Stronghold of the Legionnaire's Rose.
Connects to the the Hag's Cottage, the Herb Garden, the Rockery, and the Butterfly Gardens.

The Vegetable Patches
Swathes of tilled earth give way to rows on rows of neatly nurtured vegetables. They are all perfect specimens of course, and some are particularly special. Theft here will not go unnoticed, the careful ordering of the vegetable ensures any absences are quickly spotted.
Contains the "Stone Circle", and the Compost Heap. Much like the Tower Ruins, the Stone Circle was created to have the impression of age for the pleasure of the Hags, and the Spirit within reflects the values that the Hags believe the Circle should have. The Compost heap is the opposite; it is utterly unsightly, filled with rotting plant flesh, and teeming with worms. One of them is horrifyingly big.
Connects to the Hag's Cottage, the Herb Garden, the Hedge Maze, and the Butterfly Gardens.

The Butterfly Garden
Here, all manner of plants are cultivated and specifically chosen to provide a beautiful home for butterflies and other such insects. The Hags have made careful bargains with the insects to insure that the teeming swarms of fluttering bugs will quickly report intruders to the hags, and harass and bother such intruders should they get into a sticky situation.
Contains the Pavilion, and the Fool's Honey. The Pavilion is where the Hags meet for High Tea, and always has a pleasing and magical plate of curious sandwiches, which may or may not confer benefits or curses upon their eater. The Fool's Honey is detailed below.
Connects to the Vegetable Patch, the Flower Beds, the Rockery, the Arboretum, and the Hedge Maze.

The Rockery
The Rockery climbs up a small hillside towards the Flower Beds, and leads down via winding paths to the Water Garden. Many Motelings have been gathered to form the foundation of the Garden. Nephew spends what little of its time it does spend above ground here, and it plays little games with the Motelings when the Hags aren't watching.
Connects to the Flower Beds, the Butterfly Garden, the Arboretum, and the Water Garden.

The Hedge Maze
Winding and Non-Euclidean, the Hedge Maze is a masterwork of topiary spacial Distortion. It doesn't really lead anywhere, except back to the Entrance, to the Lover's Tunnel, and to the Great Fountain at the centre. Or as close to the centre as a non-linear maze can actually have. Sometimes it also impeaches on the Undying Lands, and more than one Fae now endlessly wanders the Maze.
Contains the Grand Fountain of the Nymph Atlanta.
Connects to the Vegetable Patch, the Butterfly Garden, the Arboretum, the Hanging Garden, and the Mushroom Patch.

The Hanging Gardens
Modelled after some ancient city, the Hanging Gardens are thick with the perfume of flowers, and rich with Grape-Vines. There are many small Pagodas on many different levels arranged around one long plaza. Green vines against off-white stone.
Contains the Hot Springs of the Nymph India.
Connects to the Hedge Maze, and the Mushroom Patch.

The Mushroom Patch
Relatively small compared to other parts of the Garden, it is nonetheless lovingly tended to as well. All manner of strange and wonderful fruiting bodies can be found here at all times, though of course the main body of the garden actually lies down beneath the surface, growing and growing...
Contains the Lover's Tunnel, and the Destroying Angel, which is detailed below, and which guards the Lover's Tunnel. The Lover's Tunnel is a secret. None have seen it before, they were all taken by the Angel. Something valuable must be inside, of course, beyond the secret way into the Hedge Maze. Some say it is an elixir of eternal love. Others say it must be a fountain of youth. Who could say?
Connects to the Arboretum, the Hedge Maze, and the Hanging Garden.

The Water Gardens
The calm and serene Water Gardens are arranged around a pond on a higher level, which feeds a small waterfall leading down to a small and perfect lake. After a stressful day, one of the Hags might come here to relax, and wash her calloused feet, much to the chagrin of Pacifi.
Contains the Lake and Waterfall of the Nymph Pacifi.
Connects to the Rockery.

The Arboretum
The Trees of the Arboretum grow tall and proud, green of leaf and strong of root. Many bear bite marks, but that's just from the pruning. Many Dryads are here, nurturing the trees, and spying on intruders. The Barkskin Pangolin can often be found here too, rubbing its rough bark-plates against the trees. It is often shooed away by the Hags if they catch it in the act.
Contains the Promenade, and the Starting Point of the Titan Oak. The Promenade is lined with only the most perfect specimens from the Arboretum, and provides a direct and straight path to the Rose Gardens. It is also lined with white-marble statues of Soldiers and Lovers, who spy on the path for the Hags. Some of the Knights might be bold enough to attack.
Connects to the Butterfly Garden, the Rockery, the Hedge Maze, the Mushroom Patch, and the Rose Garden.

The Rose Gardens
The most perfect and beautiful of all Gardens, no mercy at all shall be shown to those who trespass here. None.
Contains the Eternal Tree, the Pride and Joy of the Hags, and which is the source of the Eternal Apples which are detailed below.
Connects to the Arboretum.

Beasts of the Gardens

These are essentially the creatures that are on the Encounter Tables, though the Fool's Honey, Destroying Angel, and Sweeper Fungus are placed on the Map, rather than randomly encountered.

Legionnaires Rose
The Rose that is also called the Phalanx Rose, or the Spartan Flower, consists of small, plant-creatures about the same size and shape as a child, with heads made of luxurious rose-flowers. They are dreadfully territorial and expansionistic, though the Hags keep them contained in the Greenhouse. They wield spears and javelins made of long, thin thorns, and shields made of scraps of bark, and fight in disciplined formation.

Aella's Orchid
A huge, vibrantly-coloured orchid that moves around on long, vine-like legs. The flower of the Orchid forms a great cup-pit at the apex of the creature, and is full of a thick, almost ropey acidic-mucus that looks like a pit of coiling, roiling snakes. The Orchid uses its tendril-limbs both for movement and manipulation, and throws its prey into the Flower-Pit to digest them.

Venus Man-Trap
You see a women, alluring and almost hypnotic in her movements and appearance. You move closer, and she pulls you into her silky embrace, whispering sweet nothings in your ear, your eyes close, content and relaxed. The Plant's jaws close. You are gone.

Wolf-Nettles
Wolves made of tense, entwined nettles. They act much like regular wolves, only instead of biting their main form of attack is to bodily throw themselves at you and to knock you down and sting you. It is only painful at first, but after that it is numbing. Once you are too numb to move, the wolves drag you away into the long grasses where it is safe enough to sting you until your heart explodes inside your chest.

Foxglove Packs
This roaming bush-like beast is covered in thousands and thousands of tiny foxglove flowers, each barely the size of a finger. When threatened, the Bush-Beast releases the flowers, which form tiny little fox-flowers, and they rush towards you in a swarm. They deal you no harm, but they force themselves down your throat and into your stomach, where their poison does its work. The bush then slowly envelops you under itself and sets roots in your still warm flesh to feed as you rot.

Hangman's Willow
For all the world it appears to be a willow tree, but stray too close, and the long thin branches whip up into a frenzy and try to loop around your throat and lift you up into the tree to hang you. In larger brawls, those swept up will also be used to batter those that have so far avoided the branches.

Black Widow Lily
A huge spider formed of plant matter. The abdomen is formed by a huge Lily-flower, and the stamen within are a writhing web. The spider's teeth are thorns, and its legs are twisted roots.

Topiary Boa
A huge, 40 foot long serpent fully 6 feet thick made up of a huge volume of topiary bush. Its only attack is to batter foes with its weight, or "swallow" them up inside itself. It can't digest such swallowed creatures, it mostly has to leave them there and batter them to death with the movements of its innards.

Barkskin Pangolin
A huge, donkey-sized Pangolin named "Cat" with skin like the most rugged barks, covered in jagged edges that the Hags have encouraged into a diet of meat.

Vegetable Crustaceans
When dormant, they appear to be tiny little vegetable jack-o-lanterns, if disturbed, the vine-like hermit crabs within emerge. Mostly they don't harm you much, they just get in the way and trip you up.

The Vine Kings
Luxuriating men made of vines who only relax and have long, drawn out symposiums on the nature of nature and enjoy afternoon tea with the hags. If disturbed or threatened however, they explode out into horrible vine-tentacled octopus-plant-beast-monsters.

Mature Mandrakes
Like men, but lumpy, brown, bruised, and vague misshapen. They run about like children who have only just discovered walking and scream at things when scared. Their screams are physical, and tear up the ground and throw away threats. Their song is melodic and hypnotic. They never fight directly, they only have the minds of children, but they will scream and run about like headless chickens if anyone tries to meet them with violence.

The Destroying Angel
Also called Satan's Angel, or the Demon Fungus, it is a mycellium that spreads beneath the Earth, and is thuslywise invisible for most of the time. When disturbed (ie. when someone walks on it) it fruits up its defence, the Destroying Angel. It is a muted and raw grey, with fibrous wings, hollow eyes and mouth, and "arms" that meld into its chest as if held in an organic straight-jacket. It approaches implacably, and the mouth stretches down and down, fibering the whole body to make the mouth wider and wider, and eventually the entire angel begins to split open to swallow up an unfortunate, and drag them down into the earth. It is almost invincible, and mostly unstoppable, for it is the Mycellium beneath the ground that is vulnerable to harm.

The Sweeper Fungus
A great big rotten ooze that absorbs the detritus and compost that doesn't end up in the Compost Heap. Leaves behind a trail of stinking mold, much to the annoyance of the Hags who never quite seem to be able to schedule the time to deal with it. Not particularly aggressive, but it releases stunning spores when damaged, and wounds erupt with sharp, flailing tendrils.

Fool's Honey
A honey coloured ooze, mostly content to stick to its lair and cultivate its honey-comb. If disturbed from its tasks, or if the royal jelly it guards is taken, it will spawn swarms and swarms of bees to attack intruders.

The Titan Oak
Basically a massive treant, brutally strong, and uses its strength to hurl front-liners at the back-liners. Basically invincible and somewhat implacable, but really slow and somewhat stupid. It will chase you, but it is so slow that it will quickly give up on it. It can root itself into the earth for quick regeneration, but it cannot move during that time, and up-rooting itself is painful and time-consuming.

The Hazards of the Garden

These can be rolled as part of the encounters above to add extra dimensions to fights, or encountered as barriers themselves.

See Above
Venus Man-Traps
Hangman's Willow
Vegetable Crustaceans

Quick-Earth Mycellium
The earth beneath the Mycellium is soft and spongy, though its appearance doesn't betray this. When stood upon, the fungus sucks the unfortunate down into the near-liquid earth like sentient, malevolent quicksand to entomb you and digest you away from the light and the surface.

Strangle-Grass
This long, dry grass goes for the throat when you walk through it. It tangles you up and pulls you down, entombing you int hick, thick wrappings of grass. Highly flammable, though that also applies to those tangles up in the grass.

Pyroclastic Mold
Giant, vibrating puff-balls the size of chairs, disturbing them detonates them in a fiery explosion. Not as damaging as you might expect, but the noise is sure to attract attention.

Treasures of the Garden

Minor Treasures:

1 - Exceptionally Beautiful Flowers

Particularly found in the Flower Beds, Butterfly Garden, and the Rose Garden.

2 - Exceptionally Potent Compost

Particularly found in the Compost Heap.

3 - Exceptionally Useful Herbs

Particularly found in the Herb Garden.

4 - Alchemical Ingredients

Particularly found in the Herb Garden and the Rockery.

5 - Highest Grade Seeds

Particularly found in the Flower Beds, and the Rose Garden.

6 - Tasteful Statuettes

Particularly found in the Flower Beds, the Promenade, and the Rose Garden.

7 - Hag-Sandwiches

Particularly found in the Pavilion. Better than they sound.

8 - Highest Grade Fruit and Vegetables

Particularly found in the Vegetable Garden.

9 - Sweetest Nectar

Particularly found in the Butterfly Garden.

10 - Silver Birds

Particularly Found in the Butterfly Garden, and the Hedge Maze.

Which Might Be Found In:

1 - Seed Stands
2 - Fruit/Vegetable Boxes
3 - Compost Bins
4 - Pedestals
5 - On the Plant Itself
6 - Tastefully Arranged in a Vase

Major Treasures of the Garden:
1 - The Green Thumbs
Found strung around the necks of the Hags.
An enchanted digit, blessed by plant spirits to ensure that the wearers garden is always blossoming and blooming, even into the start of the winter months. Somewhat morbid.

2 - The Cherry Blossom
Found in the Deepest Heart of the Arboretum.
A tree of exception beauty, no harm can befall any who stand in its shade, and similarly, any buried within its roots will accept no magics of any kind, except those that aid in the rebirth of its spirit.

3 - The Royal Jelly
Found in the Lair of the Fool's Honey.
Particularly potent, it invigorates the flesh and heals wounds, and the imbiber projects a commanding aura of majesty for a time. Drink too much though, and you become rich and sweet like honey itself.

4 - The Shaman's Friend
Found in the Flower Beds, Butterfly Garden, and Hedge Maze.
The seeds of this Poppy are a powerful hallucinogenic, with a curious twist; when brewed into a tea and drank, the drinker can also see and talk to spirits that are normally invisible. Drink to much however, and you will be taken by them, never to return to your mortal flesh.

5 - Mandrakes
Found in the Vegetable Patch.
These shrieking plants are always in demand by alchemists for their curious properties, the most well known of course is their key part in the creation of Perfect Homunculi (in theory at least).

6 - Sunset Lilies
Found in the Rockery, and the Water Garden.
The petals of this Lily can be ground up and made by alchemical processes into a soft, sweet smelling incense. When burned, it ensures a peaceful nights sleep, and strange, deep dreams of water, and that strange land some occultists call Nevuah.

7 - The Mighty Vegetable
Found in the Deepest Heart of the Vegetable Patch.
It seems just like any other vegetable of its kind, but when removed from the pacifying magics of the Hags, it will show its true nature. Roll on the table below to determine what this is:
1 - The Vegetable grows, and grows, and grows, to huge proportions!
2 - The Vegetable is a particularly large specimen, and will regenerate its flesh infinitely as long as it is allowed to remain rooted into the earth.
3 - If left to mature, it will grow into a 4HD vegetable Knight, who will show great kindness to those who nurtured it in its infancy.
4 - If left to mature over the next year, it will grow into a lignified castle of moderate size and dazzling beauty.
5 - If baked into a pie, those that eat of it will be satisfied for many, many days.
6 - The vegetable will be hard and grey, seemingly rotten, but it can be smelted into particularly potent ore for a curious metal.
7 - If left to mature, the stem of the plant will grow to truly preposterous proportions, opening up a way to the empyreal realms of the sky, or the stygian realms of the deep world, 50/50 chance of each.
8 - If eaten raw, the flesh of the eater will toughen and become ripe, adding addition HP and a small regeneration factor.

8 - Eternal Apples
Found in the Deepest Heart of the Rose Gardens.
These Apples are those that Heracles journeyed for at the farthest ends of the earth. Some say that from their juices, cider that provides life eternal might be brewed. Maybe.

9 - Heart Render Worms
Found in the Compost Heap.
These small worms seem small and innocuous, but that belies a curious savagery when exposed to human flesh. Some particularly sadistic assassins will place one in a target's meal, who will have no chance to survive if they eat it.

10 - Grit Wine
Found in the Hanging Gardens, or the grapes used to make it are at least.
The wine brewed from this grey and gritty vine is also grey and gritty, and thoroughly unappetising. Indeed, few can stomach it without vomiting. Except, curiously, wizards and other such magic users, who find it invigorating and empowering, unless they vomit it up to. They are better at keeping it down that most.

NPCs of the Old Frontier - Probably Part 1

Much like before, but now a brainstorm of people.

The Bombastic Knight
Hereby named Sicacio. Here are his rolls:
His Quest: Avenge a great wrong from his past.
His Hallmark: Has a mysteriously exotic origin.
Traits: Always is prepared for anything and everything, and has particularly cutting words.
Flaw: Unobservant and thus, easily surprised.
His Followers:
- 2 Swords men lead by The Slice'n'Dice, a sword for hire.
- 5 Swordsmen lead by a lieutenant of The Slice'n'Dice
- 4 Skirmishers lead by The Knife Boy.
So, they wield lots of knives and shorter blades for duel-wielding, and some ancient wrong has brought him to an exotic land. Cool, might make him an ex-knight of the Holy Covenant from the Crimson Sea in the East. Not quite asia-land, probably go for more of a Italian flavour (though that's mostly from the name tbh).

The Mad Wizard
As of yet unnamed, they do have a Tower and an Entourage however. They are going to be mostly absent to start with. 11HD I think, potent but not godlike.
His Entourage: Only three members, as declared by the dice gods.
- 10 animated scarecrows clad in vines and plant-flesh
- A pair of pallid and docile men who vomit swarms of snakes, which are the creature's true form
- 4 athropomorphised sand-men
His Lair: Has a standard entrance
Form of the Lair: An Inverse Tower, diving deep into the earth, rooms radiating out like branches on a tree
Aspect of the Lair: Embers (presumably on the inside)
Purpose of the Lair: It was a monument to the Wizard's glory
Difficulty of Access: It is surrounded (covered methinks) by an impenetrable barrier
Cool Bit: Cosmolarium - Like an observatory, but instead of the stars, the alignments and motions of realities and planes.
Denizens: Of which there are 4
- An Alchemical Homunculus (70% quality, i.e. 7 HD)
- Fungus forms (1 Over-mind, 5 servitors)
- A Bound Deity
- A Fellow Wizard of HD 10
Defence:
- An Anti-flesh field (presumably an extension of the difficulty

The Corrupt Lord - Hereby named Don Hattori
He is to be the first overarcing villain. He shall be in command of a few groups of Bandits and Outlaws.
Vice: Envy
Traits:
- The Corrupt Lord just keeps stealing the weapons and abilities of those they fight and fight with.
- They have just about everything they could possibly need or want in every place they could conceivably have it
- The Corrupt Lord just takes everything that's precious to anyone they can, even if they don't want it at all, they just can't help it.
- They and their guards have plenty of human shields; the people the Lord has kidnapped over the years
- And has a body double to defend them
The Lords Lair Traits:
- Positive: The Lair rises up high into he air
- Positive: It is run about with mystic wards and sigils
- Negative: Guards are forbidden in parts of the lair for some reason
The Lord's Fighting Style: Throne-Bound
The Body Guards: 7 Iron-Clad Warriors (the Iron Banner, 2HD each)
The Agent: A Brutal Sword's Master
The Agent's Trait: Not above taking Bribes

The Forest God
Aspect: Leaves [Plant Aspect then]
Form: An Owl [Leaves for feathers then]
Feature: Emits mist and fog [From between its feather-leaves]
Sacred Space: A Flower-blanketed Field [Deep within the Woods]
Followers: I think we'll go with 3, since its not massively high-level, but not a pushover.
- 9 Dryads
- 2 Shambling Mounds
- A Flowering Colossus
Powers: Again, I we'll go with 3
- Shape Wood
- Sudden Decay
- Devolve (went with this because I rolled Sudden decay twice, might be a good way to randomly determine if a Forest God has an off-aspect power tbh)
Sweet, a giant, leafy owl monster thing. I think it'll be 8HD or so, not a juggernaut, but respectable, especially with its buddies around.

Many Barrow Kings
As many as necessary, and one High-King of the Barrow Fields to form a potential over-arcing villain.
A couple of Barrow Kings:

Mode of War: Hexblade
Guardians: A Plant Ally
Minions: Skeletons [Probably vine-clad to carry on a plant theme if it works out]
How Shall Ye Know It?: By the howling of spirits at the witching hour [Plant spirits duh]
Aspect: Slowly collapsing within [choked by plant roots no doubt]
Where is the body?: Suspended in a pillar of Amber
Form: A Long passage into the Earth
Mundane Treasures:
- Ceramic Arts
- Tapestries
Magical Treasures:
- Rune Stone Spire [The Lonely Dolmen?]
- A Bloody Altar [Where the Plant Spirits received their blessings]
So he's a plant-based curse-wielding warrior, and the Plant Spirits are angry because they haven't had any offerings in a long, long time. Cool.

Mode of War: Weapon Master [Harpoon right?]
Guardians: Ancestor Spirits [His old whaling crew?]
Minions:
- 4 Guardian Statues
- An Animated Mural [Of a whale-hunting party I think]
How Shall Ye Know It?: By the shrine to the spirits of the dead at its peak
Aspect: Haunted by ancient and extinct [sea?] beasts
Where is the Body?: Laid out in a rotten and ragged boat
Form: A Maze-like hive of tunnels and chambers
Mundane Treasures:
- Shaped Amber and Shells
- Finely-wrought Weapons
Magical Treasures:
- Blood of the Earth Blade [Harpoon more like]
- Char-Brass Brazier [Where they made their weapons]
An ancient mariner who hunter old sea monsters. Nice.

The Judge, his jury, and the Executioner
A Low-level villain having 'taken over' one of the frontier villages.
As my post basically. Threatening and vaguely sympathetic until you see him brain someone.

The Shaman of the Old Ways
A low-level villain menacing a village.
Spirit Followers - Aspect: [Aspects rearranged a little for fitness]
- An Eagle - Cloud
- An Elk Stag and Doe [On whose antlers the birds perch] - Mud
- A Pair of Owls - Lake
- A Flock of Crows - Tree
Spirit Powers:
- Barkskin
- Wild-Shape
The Sacred Space: A Rock Bound Garden
The Totem: A Knotted, Carven Staff
How do they make contact?: In the coiling of Blood in Water [a pool in the garden]
What is their Relationship?: Friendly
Their Tasks (in order):
- Spread the trees of a Grove
- Sabotage a Hunt
- Feed a Person to the Wilds [the hunter?]

Some magic item smiths
Lets roll some shall we?
- A Magic Tattooist
- A Potion seller, who is known to cut his potions with other substances
- A Demon who sells the belongings of the Departed-for-Hell

Houndmaster Shawshanks
A skilled horse-archer with a pack of top-of-the-line hounds. Bounty-hunter and thief-taker extraordinaire. Wield's a sniper's crossbow, and has a variety of cool ammos:
- Molotov Bolts
- Hallucinogen Bolts
- Manacle Bolts
- Hound-Marker Bolts
Can move up to half speed and shoot with a penalty, or stay still and snipe at full capacity.
The Dogs are pretty scary too. 2:1 ratio of light to heavy dogs
- Lightly Armoured Dogs: Super fast and grapple/harass to keep the enemy pinned.
- Heavily Armoured Dogs: Super tough, and shove and pin and tear.

The Crowskin Witch
Was burned alive for witch-craft, but saw it coming and managed to arrange a way for her to survive by making a bargain with a particularly powerful Crow-Spirit. She's still covered in burns, and has been stealing other people's skins to replace the ruin parts.
Wields a staff topped with a snapping and pecking Crow's head and wings.
Has Crow-Skin minions that flap about and spy for her, but that have to also feed their original flayed bodies, which the Witch keeps safe mounted on her wall.
She makes feathery charms that she can throw which then transform into crow-minions to do tasks for her.
Has a cape of crow-feathers, which allows her to fly and disappear in a flurry of feathers.
Her final trump card is her spirit-ally, which is this huge, Crow based Owlbear beast, which lets be honest, is much spookier.

Sure-Blade Vermont Audeline
A Master Duelist, claims to have only been bested by his first teacher.
Of noble birth and countenance, but gets carried away with the bravado sometimes. Abandoned his birthright to follow his heart for adventure.
Supremely mobile, evades opportunity attacks especially with ease. Wields an Estoc w/ an ivy clad hilt, green and growing. Sometimes he has to brush the vines off his hand. Also wields a shield-breaker dirk, and elven crafted (no-one knows that little tid-bit) tuning fork-esque weapon that he uses as a parrying dagger, and that also shatters shields it hits.
Supremely confident.
Accompanied by a pair of veteran soldiers who stick around for violence and gold, a tracker who is in love with him but won't ever tell him, and a butler, because he needs a butler Godsdammit.

Troll-Skinner Druugan
Huge, like 8 feet tall. Wears curious (troll) skins which stick to him a little like soggy dough. His flesh regenerates when he's worked up, and thats when the skin molds into him a bit. It would be tough to remove them.
He carves runes into stones to imbue them with power. If he anticipates a fight and has the time, he will carve many runes into the battle field with all manner of effects to gain the advantage. Will carve gigantic runes for huge benefits if he can spare the time. If really desperate, he might even carve them into his flesh, but he hasn't yet, because he doesn't know what effects that may or may not have.
Has a reputation for being something of a legendary badass.
Strong enough that people that try to grapple him often end up getting grappled back in return and thrown about the place.
His axe is fitted with Life-Stones (a wound dealt by a weapon fitted with life-stones only heals when touched by that weapon's life stones).
Finally has a number of scrimshaw daggers, carven such that once they go in, they don't come out again for love nor money.

Old-Bones Hewarn

Lord Godfrey Brachenfells
The Vampire I think, maybe 5 HD.
Aspect: He is a Black Captain: He commands the powers of the night atop a black steed.
Lair: He hides in a Gallery.
Powers: I think my vamps start at 3HD or so, and Godfrey is a couple of hundred years old, so 3 powers.
- Physical: Regeneration
- Physical: Impossible Speed [It was strength, but I executively changed it to speed because I want him to dual-wield hand-crossbows.
- Necromantic: Call Souls
Weaknesses: Of which he has 4
- Weakened: Living Wood
- Weakened: Ink
- Immobilised: Hanging Ropes
- Deadly: Sunlight
Vice: Betrayal
Tell-Tale Sign: He casts no shadow nor reflection
Minions: The way I wrote it, he should have 1 set, but I'll give him 2. He is a Black Captain after all.
- 9 Sycophants
- 18 Ghouls [The numbers were the other way around, but I thought it made more sense to swap them.

Purifier Hazel
Armed with a Censer-Maul, and attended by many Men-at-Arms. The fumes of the censer embolden her men when she attacks. A Paladin-esque figure to her men, her touch heals them, though only them.
She is an aasimar, though she doesn't know it.
She also carries a pair of silvered hammers, 2 vials of blessed water, a Decree of Authenticity and Authority from the Cardinal himself, and the Tooth of St. Woldan, carved into a tiny skull which whispers wisdom and warnings at night.
Her men are more traditionally armed and armoured, some manifest minor miracles. She is proud of them. Perhaps too proud.
She is on a particular mission to hunt down a demon called the Dredge.

A Few Bounty Hunters
I think I'll do three, one with 3HD, one with 4, one with 6.
Name: The Breath-Taking Havand
Archetype: Pit Fighter
Traits:
- Weapon Master
Weapons: Blade and Dagger
Secondary Equipment:
- Nets
- Knife-Boots
Reputation: Brutish
Current Mission: Steal Something
Drawback: A Double Agent [Didn't realise they were that subtle, that's probably why they make a good double agent though]
Lackies:
- A Talented Herbalist [to patch them up presumably]
Damn this dude fights dirty.

Name: Lucard Grisling
Archetype: Assassin
Traits:
- Trapper
Weapons: An Exotic Weapon
Secondary Equipment:
- Hooked Ropes
- Choke-Gloves
Reputation: Implacable
Current Mission: Maiming
Drawback: Itchy Trigger Finger
Lackies:
- An expert poisoner
Damn, you don't want this one on your tail. That's brutal! Just hope they spring the trap too quickly I guess...

Name: Jeremiah Hunsun
Archetype: Hunter
Traits:
- Charms and Wards (4 charms)
- Disengager
Weapons: Spear and Shield
Secondary Equipment:
- Spined Armour
- Electrified Weapon
- Knife-Boots
- Knuckle-Dusters
Reputation: Stalker
Current Mission: Kidnapping
Drawback: Super Paranoid
Lackies:
- An Alchemist
- A few good swordsmen (going with d4+2, so 3)
A consumate survivalist it seems. Probably how they made it this far.

Honest Martyn's Travelling Carnival

The Attractions of the Carnival

Honest Martyn is not Honest. This is his Carnival. He will do everything he can to squeeze every coin from you he can, with that 'Honest' smile and twinkle of the teeth.

1 - The Bigtop

There are to be 6 Performances in each production, each performed in the order they were rolled. Roll a d6 for each such performance, a roll of 1 indicates something has gone disastrously wrong. If a second performance goes wrong in a production, it ends early.

Martyn's Performances
1 - Monster Taming - 1 in 6 chance of the death of the tamer
2 - Acrobatics - 1 in 6 chance of a terrible fall
3 - Magic Tricks - 1 in 6 chance of the aide drowning in the tank
4 - Menagerie Parade - 1 in 6 chance of one of the 'exhibits' going rampaging
5 - Bariambo the Clown - 1 in 6 chance of those knives actually being quite real
6 - The Mime - 1 in 6 chance of an audience member permanently disappearing
7 - Dare-devil Stunts - 1 in 6 chance of a terrible crash with the audience
8 - A Burlesque Performance - 1 in 6 chance of the stage completely collapsing
9 - A Strongman Performance - 1 in 6 chance of BARBARIAN RAGE
10 - The Fortune Teller - 1 in 6 chance of uncomfortable predictions
11 - A Theater Troupe - 1 in 6 chance of a lack of acting in the murders
12 - Brilliant Musicians - 1 in 6 chance of ear-shredding cacophony
13 - Ballet Performance - 1 in 6 chance of the lift turning into a throw
14 - Fire-Eaters - 1 in 6 chance of catastrophic conflagration
15 - Contortionists - 1 in 6 chance of permanent contortion
16 - Blade Jugglers - 1 in 6 chance of limb removal
17 - Oh, you know, those emo dick-heads - 5 in 6 chance of everyone feeling really depressed
18 - Bull Fighting - 1 in 6 chance of goring and trampling
19 - The Cannon - 1 in 6 chance of audience demolishment
20 - Abstract Art Performance - 1 in 6 chance of everyone's minds being turned inside-out

2 - The Food Stalls

3 - The Travelling Menagerie

There are 6 exhibits on show at any one time. Each has an Unfortunate Origin that can be discovered through knowledge, guile, or investigation. Each also has an Unfortunate Condition that makes the creature's life just that little more miserable.

Menagerie Generator
1 - A Mermaid
2 - A Chimera
3 - A Brain-Child
4 - A Double-Horse
5 - A Flock Ironbats
6 - The MultiBear
7 - A Clutch of Snake-Worms
8 - A Bull-Man
9 - Flock of Harpies
10 - A Pair of Tritons
11 - A Fungodile
12 - The Living Stone
13 - A Hypnotic Spider
14 - The Fish-Within-The-Shark
15 - The Jelly Knight
16 - A Frozen Maiden
17 - The Many-Faced Man
18 - A Scraggle of Roach-Boys
19 - A Cacohodon
20 - An Aborted Godling

Unfortunate Origins
1 - They have been Sewn together from parts and pieces
2 - They have been built through Necromantic Techniques
3 - They are the result of Illusions and Trickery
4 - They are thus through the manipulation of Paints and Mirrors
5 - They are an Ingeniously Designed Automaton
6 - They are Actually the Real Deal

Unfortunate Conditions
1 - They sit in a puddle of filth
2 - Their skin is loose and folded
3 - Their eyes weep a black oil
4 - They are missing probably key body parts
5 - They are bound in chains
6 - Their veins bulge and ripple
7 - Their keeper is cruel and moody
8 - Their food is meager and pathetic
9 - The cage is cramped and claustrophobic
10 - They are lethargic and painfully thin
11 - They are just infested with parasites
12 - They are glassy-eyed, and barely conscious
13 - They are dead, suspended now in preservatives
14 - They have been roped into a fight-pit
15 - They are missing most of their teeth
16 - Small children prod them with sticks
17 - There is little water available for them
18 - The ceiling is just too low
19 - Their enclosure is bare and barren
20 - They are literally dead and rotting

4 - The Side Show Games

5 - Bariambo the Clown

Bariambo is a shit clown. He is however, scarily strong, and the enforcer of the Carnival's security policies. His Clown Wagon contains a near infinite amount of "Guard Apes" to deal with trouble-makers.

Bariambo's Most Recent Trickery
1 - He attempts a card trick, several times, eventual they end up on the floor in frustration
2 - He attempts slapstick, but actually hurts himself, and swears profusely before storming off
3 - He attempts to unicycle, falls, tries again, falls, yells in rage, and breaks it on his knee
4 - He attempts to juggle, but keeps hitting himself, he throws them into the audience
5 - He attempts to make children laugh, but they all cry at his horrifying visage
6 - He attempts to make a joke, but botches it over and over, his audience disperse
7 - He attempts get into his clown cart, but can't quite fit before breaking the roof
8 - He attempts to walk a tight-rope, getting some way before the rope snaps beneath him
9 - He attempts to ride an ostrich, but crushes the animal beneath his weight, he kicks it
10 - He attempts to knife throw around a volunteer, but hits them and stomps off in frustration
11 - He attempts to play the accordion, but accidentally pulls it in half after a terrible performance
12 - He attempts a ventriloquism bit, but the mannequin starts swearing to his annoyance
13 - He attempts to touch up his make-up, and messes it up massively, getting a load in his eye
14 - He attempts to create balloon animals, but they all burst in his face and he stomps on them
15 - He attempts to tell a story, but keeps getting events mixed up, children correct him
16 - He attempts to throw a custard pie, but misses, and angrily storms off, but slips in the custard
17 - He attempts to balance a spinning plate, but it falls, and cuts a rope on a tent
18 - He attempts to breathe fire, but sets his chin on fire, he runs away screaming
19 - He attempts to remove a rowdy visitor from the carnival, beating them senseless
20 - He attempts to drown his sorrows in alcohol

6 - "The Mime"

"The Mime" is an illusionist of considerable skill and creativity. They (apart from being ambiguously gendered) spy on potential trouble-makers and other such "persons of interest" for Martyn, besides just doing quiet creepy things for their own enjoyment.
Roll a d12 while all is well. Roll d20 if something is amiss. Roll d8+12 if they are on to you.

The Mime's Shenanigans
1 - People hang motionless in the air, screaming silently
2 - He mimes fishing, pulling up rocks out of the earth
3 - He "walks downstairs" behind some crates, he is gone
4 - He "walks upstairs" into the sky, higher and higher
5 - He mimes chopping wood, boxes split apart improbably
6 - He mimes shooting a bow, birds drop from the sky
7 - He pantomime panics, waving and pointing, before onwatchers are bowled away
8 - He mimes climbing up onto ledges, he disappears when he pulls himself up
9 - He mimes conducting, ethereal music drifts across the carnival
10 - He mimes puppeteering, people dance jankily with horrified expressions
11 - He holds fruit, he mimes chopping, and it falls to pieces
12 - He mimes walking into a wall, people laugh, they can't pass either
13 - He simply stands, and stares
14 - He follows, feigning pantomime innocence
15 - He watches intently, as he stamps on ants
16 - He sticks out his foot, you trip though he is metres away
17 - He mimes a lasso, you choke, though only for a moment
18 - He mimes creeping, you hear nothing, not even your own breathing
19 - He is still, and cold, and pale, on the floor like a discarded doll
20 - He mimes drowning, he floats up into the air tumbling forever, your lungs fill with air, but it is water, you float up into the air tumbling forever, but there is no water, there is no water!

7 - The Hall of Mirrors

The Hall of Mirrors is a sinister place. No-one goes there, and for good reason. The visions are... unsettling.

Mirrors
1 - Hearts: You see yourself in the house of flesh, split open like a fruit.
2 - Knives: You see yourself claiming vengeance unexpectedly in the night.
3 - Dusts: You see yourself stranded out in the desert dry and dead.
4 - Vines: You see yourself strung up from a tree, fungus grows in your meats
5 - Stars: You see the infinities of the High Wilderness of Nights, you suffocate up there
6 - Snakes: You see yourself in a nest of coiled and entwined snakes, they bite over and over
7 - Bone: You see yourself in the Haunted House, something creeps up behind you
8 - Clocks: You see the passage of time, you cannot comprehend what you see
9 - Inks: You see the interior of a library, you are surrounded by books
10 - Swords: You see yourself in the midst of a great battle, drenched in blood
11 - Scales: You see a great pile of gold, it stirs, something awaits within
12 - Ice: You see your family, dead and cold in the snow, you gnaw on them, you had no choice
13 - Flames: You see your home burning to the ground, you watch with relief on your face
14 - Silks: You see yourself in the Fortune Teller's Tent, mist fills the air
15 - BLACK: You see only Blackness.
16 - Silver: You see yourself within a forest that is no forest, in a world that is no world
17 - Furs: You see yourself in the Menagerie Tent, your face twisted in disgust
18 - Stripes: You see yourself out in the Carnival, the Mime watches with hate on their face
19 - Skulls: You see yourself in the ground, dead and buried
20 - Voids: You see yourself, only your face is gone, and your body is empty and hollow

8 - The Fortune-Teller's Tent

The Fortune Teller is the genuine deal, though they don't trot out their actual magic for the plebs and punters. Usually. It would require a lot of coin and persuasiveness to convince them to perform a proper reading for you. They usually cast for Martyn, to determine where best to go next, or the best hiding place from their current predicament, and honestly they are the only reason the Carnival is still in business at all.

Fortunes
1 - Wealth
2 - Fame
3 - Skill
4 - Secrets
5 - Land
6 - Relics
7 - Faith
8 - Revenge
9 - Relief
10 - Rest
11 - Might
12 - Comfort
13 - Progress
14 - Charity
15 - Protection
16 - Love
17 - Power
18 - Magic
19 - Happiness
20 - Immortality

9 - The Haunted House

It seems normal. For everyone else it is. But for you, it will be a nightmare come alive. There will be no evidence of such once you are out. Death is an escape, but it would not be pleasant. The memories will never leave you.
Once you are within the Haunted House, the first 4 or so rooms are just filled with your usual spooky stuff. Then, you are trapped, though you won't realise at first. At this point, new rooms are rolled on the following table. Escape is possible once 13 rooms are explored. Duplicate rooms are spooky, but empty.

Rooms of the Haunted House
1 - This is the room that floods with Blood and Organs, it will follow you too
2 - This is the room with the Zombies beneath the bed, many many Zombies
3 - This is the room that is made of teeth, they gnaw on you if you remain long
4 - This is the room that the butcher prepares food, he will prepare you too
5 - This is the room that is filled with blades and saws, they will come to life soon
6 - This is the room where the floor collapses into an infinite pit of blackness
7 - This is the room where the spiders dwell, and they are spun many, many webs
8 - This is the room where the corpse in the cupboard is psychotic and unstoppable
9 - This is the room where the tide of limbs pulls itself out of the well infinitely
10 - This is the room where the floor is a mire and chains fly out of the walls to get you
11 - This is the room where there is only darkness, and a demon thing to hunt you
12 - This is the room that contains your greatest mistake and the punishment for it
13 - This is the room that never ends, walls out infinitely, and gently slopping down forever
14 - This is the room where the sky boils with thunder, and tentacles pluck you from the earth
15 - This is the room that is all aflame, and the dying grasp at you for mercy from the flames
16 - This is the room that has the hag who boils up soup made from your mummy
17 - This is the room where the bodies of all your friends have been mulched up
18 - This is the room where parasites crawl into your flesh through your eyes and ears
19 - This is the room where the doctor will fix you with knives and wrenches and saws
20 - This is the room where you die

10 - The House of FLESH

The House of FLESH is gaudily appointed, and seems to clearly be a brothel. It is anything but. It certainly doesn't appear to be really 20 floors tall. Each floor is more and more expensive than the last, and provides further and further pleasures. Floors 13 and up at least will leave permanent scares. Some might even provide benefits. The Highest Floors are totally transformative (in a Hellraiser kind of way).

The Levels of the House of FLESH
1 - Pleasant company and fine food
2 - Kisses and flattery
3 - Teasing and dancing
4 - Warmth and closeness
5 - Pleasure and caresses
6 - Sex and sweat
7 - Sex and slaps
8 - Sex and ropes
9 - Sex and paddles
10 - Sex and knives
11 - Sex and flames
12 - Sex and brutalising
13 - Sex and maiming
14 - Sex and death and resuscitation
15 - Sex and mental scarring
16 - Sex and reconstructive surgery
17 - Sex and reconstitution
18 - Sex and dissociation
19 - Sex and universal awareness
20 - Sex and No Returns

11 - The Joust

Basically the WWF of Jousting. Ridiculousness, fakeness, drama. Play it up. Roll twice to determine the two challengers for each match. If you roll doubles, they face... THEIR ANTI-CLONE!

The Contestants
1 - A Skeleton riding a Skeleton Horse. Calls himself; "Mr Bones"
2 - A Knight with bright Pink Hair riding a Unicorn. Calls himself; "Sir Rainbows"
3 - A Cloaked Stranger riding a horse that appears to be made of brambles. Gives no name.
4 - A Classic Strong-man riding another Classic Strong-man. Call themselves the Mighty Bruno (collectively apparently).
5 - An emo dressed in deep black leather armour riding a horse with flaming eyes. Calls himself "the Hellknight". Seems like a dickhead.
6 - A huge, HUGE man riding a dinky little horse. Calls himself "The Lump".
7 - A mysterious foreigner in lacquered armour riding a lizard. Calls themselves "Samurai".
8 - A Knight in shining armour Riding a Stallion. Calls themselves "Sir Milquetoast".
9 - A naked man riding a big dog. Calls themselves "James".
10 - A Southerner in a turban, blue skinned, and riding a sandy horse. Calls themselves "Saladin".
11 - A mysterious man bound up all about in bandages, riding a similarly bandaged horse. Calls themselves "Fedduci".
12 - A serious man wearing half-plate upon a scarred horse. Calls themselves "The Professional".
13 - A woman dressed in animal skins riding a FUCKING BEAR. Calls herself "Little Miss Dinky".
14 - A woman covered in terrible burns, riding a likewise scarred horse. Calls herself "Singed."
15 - A pale-skinned woman riding a white horse. Calls herself "The Frosty Reception".
16 - A woman wrapped around thickly in her own hair, riding a horse that also appears to be entirely wrapped in the rider's hair. Calls herself "Rap-lance-l."
17 - A woman with fire-cracker breast-plates, neon gauntlets, and a meat-helmet, riding a horse the size of an elephant. Calls herself "Lady GooGoo".
18 - A woman whose skin appears to be ceramics, riding a horse with a rose for a face. Calls herself "Lady Elvelin".
19 - A woman dressed in only silks, exotic and alluring, riding a tiger. Calls herself "Femme Fatale".
20 - A woman with a glowing halo, attendent doves, and a background choir soundtrack, riding a winged horse. Calls herself "The Lady Saint".

12 - The Magic Item Auction

The Magic Item Auction is a total Farce. The lots are (at least, the intention is that they are) totally fake, and it is all a scam. Some of them are a little magical, but not to the full extent of the advertisement. Determine the true nature of each lot as it is introduced. Sell it for far, far too much money. Be unrepentant when its all garbage.

The True Nature of the Lot
1: Totally Non-Magical, obviously so.
2 - 4: A Very Clever Fake
5: Well, it is slightly magical. Has a greatly diminished effect.
6: Turns out this is actually the Real Deal, to everyone's great surprise

The Lots of the Auction
1 - The Turbo-Encabulator
2 - The Maul of Saint Agatha
3 - The Finger Bone of Saint Berthold
4 - The Cape of Blades
5 - Supreme Blasting Powder
6 - Infusion of Knowledge
7 - Necklace of Dragon-Control
8 - Orb of the Blue Mage
9 - A Pack of Hands of Glory
10 - A Piece of the True Covenant!
11 - A Seed of the World-Spine
12 - A Lantern of Unquenchable Flame
13 - The Mirrored Sword of The First Emperor
14 - The Troll-Bane Sigil
15 - An Earthen-Blood Blade
16 - A Ceramic Promise
17 - An Amber-Bound Pixie!
18 - A Handful of Obols from the Far Shores of Death!
19 - An Oar from the Brass-Boats of Hell!
20 - An Amulet for the Protection of the Self from Evil Eye!

Dungeons of the Old Frontier

This is just some conceptual stuff for a Campaign I hope to run soon. Maybe you will like some of the ideas enough to steal and remold them for your own.

Candlemarsh
Small Hex-crawl, run as my post pretty much.

The Alchemist's Manor
Uses the Foxglove Manor map from Rise of the Rune Lords Probably.
Will eventually be its own post I think, but for now:
The Old Alchemist, Arnault Roftengirt, passed away peacefully in his sleep. His house however, has passed into chaos and horror.
Enemies:
- The Quicksilver Serpent: A Giant Snake made of silver poison
- The Formless One: A Doppelganger, but huge and rotten
- Poor Old Jeeves: The butler, horribly mutated, corroded, misshapen
- The Aqua Regiad: An Acidic Nymph, corrupted by the Alchemist's experiments
- The Menagerie: A big ol' horde of randomly generated mutants
- The Corruption: A growing, night-black fungus that might overtake the whole area
Goals:
- Destroy the monsters (particularly the corruption)
- Steal the Old Alchemist's heirlooms and treasures
- Recover his Alchemy Notes and Equipment
- Alternatively, burn it all to the ground
Treasures:
- The Distillation Knife (Rather than damage, it seperates into composite parts, same difference to living things really)
- The Alchemy Notes
- The Vessel of Solomon (which the Witch-Finders really, really want for some reason)

Voras - the Wandering Grove
Like the Candlemarsh, as set out in its post. Will wander the forest hexes of the sandbox.

Various from the Bundles of Shrines/Caves/Tombs
For now, I'm going to roll 2 from each table. As such we have:
Shrines:
- 16, 3: An ancient burial mound that druids and spirits frequent.
- 13, 2: A scorched and broken shrine haunted by a demon.
Tombs:
- 6, 1: A crystal-bright and ever sun-lit tomb of a vampire
- 8, 1: A tower of tombs, high up: saints, low down: demons
Caves:
- 18, 1: Flesk Hole - an over-hang hiding the ruins of an insect-man city
- 7, 3: Wormcrawl Fissure - the old lab of the Worm-That-Walks, where he has abandoned the imperfect, but still potent, vomitorious dead.

Garden of the Briar Hag
Not sure what map to use, probably one of my own creation.
Much inspiration from the Gardens of Ynn I expect. (Which is also fantastic btw, go buy it)
The Briar Hags care only for their schedules, and their plants. You can steal one, and disrupt the other. Care to guess which?
Enemies:
- [Randomly generated?] Ambulatory Plants
- Carnivorous Flesh-Eater Plants
- Dryad Friends of the Hags
- The Briar Hags themselves
- And their Giant Earth Elemental 'nephew'
Goals:
- Steal all the cool plants there are
Treasures:
- Plants
- Flora
- Vegetation

Honest Martyn's travelling Carnival
This post is really nearly finished, just need to input a table from a note-book which I keep forgetting to pick up.

The Temple on the High-Moors
Also a post that is in the works, the tables are all done, just needs uploading.
A pair of warring factions of the Great Powers of the Might Realm struggle over the Temple on the Highmoors. Cool spirit monsters, which side is in the right?

The House of THEM
Uses the map of Briarstone Asylum from Pathfinder's Strange Aeons.
THEM are about as close to Lovecraft as I will stray with this one, in the flesh at least.

The War-Grave of the Fireflies
Not sure what map to use for it atm.
A Raggi-Esque Nega-Dungeon. As the name-sake implies, there is only misery and death here.
Enemies:
- A barbed wire spider construct thing
- "Swift Death" it teleports around to enemies it can see at astonishing speeds. Hit and run attacks.
- Flame-Nurses that 'tend' to the fallen
- Ghost soldiers that only bog you down with their semi-corporealness
- Sentient Mud Floods
- Swarms of flying arrows, knives, stones
- Giant-Demon Warlords with telescope fingers they shove down your throats
- Psychopathic adventurers, driven mad by the graves
Goals:
- Don't die
- Lay the spirits to rest if you really, really have to
Treasures:
- Like none.
- Seriously.
- Okay, maybe a terrible murder weapon that would kill you if you use it too much, is that what you want? More death? Did you learn nothing from the hell you just traversed?

Hive-Fortress of the Myrmidons
Ants. Lots and lots of Ant Monsters.
- Workers: Essentially non-combat non-characters who do ineffable works for the hive
- Soldiers: Fighty bois
- Fire: Burny bois
- Winged: Skirmisher bois
- Queen: The heart of the hive, kill her, and it all falls apart
- Weaver: Weave. What else? Basically a sub-type of worker
- Carpenter: As weaver above, but wood workers
- Bullet: They charge forward at self-obliterative speeds
- Crazy: Berserker Soldier bois
- Electric: Lightningy bois
- Drones: Elite Guards of the Queen, upgrades of other soldier types
When the hive grows big enough they build a giant mechanical Ant-Mech to carry off a Queen-larva to become the basis of a new hive far away.
Goals:
- Like, stop them colonising the whole world I guess?

The Goblin Tower
Basically a rework to expand the Goblin Tower from 4e's dungeon delve. The Goblin King has stolen a Crown of Sorcery from the Crypts beneath the tower, and turned the whole area into his private "kingdom".

Pickman's Cult of the Exquisite Model
Uses Iris Hill grounds from Pathfinder's Strange Aeons
An artsy doomsday cult, inspired by the short-story, and the Fallout 4 quest.
Enemies:
- Artwork come to life
- Aesthete Cultists
- A Mad Painter that paints life [Might be influenced by a reread of Magnificent Jam van oops, or whatever his bloody name is]
Goals:
- Uproot the cult
-Reclaim the manor ground
-Recover some really, really off-the-beaten-path artworks
Treasures:
- The Pigments of the Mad Artist: Use to create tiny, abstract gateways to Nevuah, realm of dreams
- The Eye of Judgement: A great painting of a Squid's eye embedded into the wall. Oh, the horror.
- There's probably some nice art in there somewhere...

The Old Forges of the Dukes - Sandpoint Glassworks
Uses Sandpoint Glassworks from Pathfinder's Rise of the Runelords
Might just be a base for a Bandit Group in the Employ of Don Hattori. Maybe not. Needs thunking.
Potentially the path I'm going for here will be its just a cool place to find, with a whole bunch of things the party can 'unlock' eventually, with some traps and a monster or so.
Enemies:
- Something that sleeps in one of the forges
- Collapsing architecture, ancient malfunctioning fail-safes, etc
- Dire-Weapon Spirits, demanding to be wielded once more
Goals
- Regain the use of the forges, which would be one way of getting masterwork weapons easily
- Gain a bunch of texts about magic-weapon creation
- Loot it of any Old Empire weapons that may yet remain
Treasures:
- A stash of Masterwork weapons
- The Forges of the Old Dukes
- The Diamond of Steel: A magical rapier made so by centuries of slaughter, seems almost crystal clear, and pierces armour like it is nothing.

Thistle-top Isle
Uses Thistle-top Isle from Pathfinder's Rise of the Runelords, though probably not its dungeons
Might just be a base for a Bandit Group in the Employ of Don Hattori. Maybe not. Needs thunking.
Maybe the Base of the Witch-Finders? Or some other more enemy faction.
Enemies:
-
-
-
Goals:
-
-
-
Treasures:
-
-
-

Fane of the Oath-In-Iron
The oath in iron are a lost order of exceptionally lawful paladins from the earliest days of man. Sealing themselves in Golems so that their spirits could fight on pay the deaths of their bodies, they have in turn been sealed in a tomb. Enterprising parties might stumble upon such a tomb and so awaken the sleeping paladins of law.

Enemies:
- The Oath in Iron: Immortal, warforged-esque, 40k dreadnought-esque paladins
- The Keepers: ancient, ancient undead caretakers of the paladins. Only a small amount of combat prowess. A few would sacrifice themselves while others ran to awaken their masters
- The Unrighteous: the now - somewhat - demonic prisoners of the Oath, secured in alchemical prisons.
Goals:
- Stop the Oath coming after you (if you're an adventurer, you can't not do something to piss them off really) once you've released them
- Commune with powerful and knowledgeable Unrighteous
- Stop another group waking up the Oath
Treasures:
- Oath Golem-Tombs fir slain buddies
- Unbreakable Prisons
- Various sacred lawful paraphernalia

The Cathedral of Hate

Enemies:
- The Sisters of Hate: Bandaged, bird-masked warrior women who would slaughter man-kind
- The Yellow Demons: They instill hatred and destructive energy into the Sisters
- The Wreckbond Titans: Massive necromantic constructs built into beasts of war from the corpses of the desecrated
Goals:
- Stop the Sister's prospective genocide
- Defile the hidden shrine to the Demon Lord X, who stokes the sister's flames
- Recover the Sister's kick-ass weapons
Treasures:
-
-
-

The Garden of Lady Statues
Yo, a Medusa lives here, and she has power over statues. What you want?
Will probably end up using a map of my own design, or possibly the one from Tomb of Annihilation that's basically just this idea right? Let me check. (As a side note, oh man is the map of Omu cool. Totes gonna steal that too. Fight me.) Yeah, nangalore is pretty banging, gunna use that, or heavily steal from it at least. (As a further aside, damn, is the art for DnD 5th wasted on shit adventures sometimes. Especially the stuff they're putting out recently. How about an OSR punk-wave book in the Sabbath/Stuart style with choice pieces of Wotc art ehy? I'd buy that.)
Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled dungeon.
Enemies:
- Lady Statues, the Medusa (maybe the singular medusa of the world, or certainly only one a few.)
- Animated statues moved by the will of Lady Statues
- Some sort of pathetic snake-esque Igor character. Maybe like Engyi from Dark Souls, burdened down by the weight of his own snake-attachments
Goals:
- Liberate the Garden (and thus its loot) from the grasp of the Medusa
- Rescue those turned to stone by the Medusa
- Gain access to the Waters of the Fountains which are well magical (totally realised each dungeon needs a "Treasures section too, not content anymore to shove it all in Goals anymore, brb)
Treasures:
- The Magical Waters of the Fountains, which cleanse the body of curses (such as petrification, doesn't work so much of Medusification apparently)
- The Medusa's own blood, a powerful alchemical product
- The Adonis of Persepholi, a statue of no small value in the art world (also a petrified angel)

The Shaman of the Old Ways

The Shamans practice the Old Ways, communing with the world and trying to live in harmony with the Spirits of the World. It grows harder with every day as civilisation strangles and cuts off the living earth from man. Some Shaman flee the encroaching of cities, some accept that this is how it must be, and some hide within the villages of man, and fight back. These are tables for the latter.

Spirit Followers

The Shaman has a number of sets of Spirit Followers equal to d3+1. They manifest as glowing ghostly figures, and have the capabilities of mundane animals of their kind, but with double the normal HD, and they serve the Shaman's orders perfectly. They always have Morale 12.

1 - A Bear
2 - A Pair of Wolves
3 - A Flock of Crows
4 - An Elk Stag and Doe
5 - A Trio of Cats
6 - An Eagle
7 - A Stallion
8 - A Trio of Dog-Sized Spiders
9 - A Pair of Owls
10 - A Pair of Serpents

Follower Elemental Attributes

Each Spirit Follower also has their own Elemental Attribute, roll individually for each set of Followers. This feeds into their appearance, and also grants them an addition combat trait.

1 - Lake: While grappling, the target is paralysed
2 - River: When moving past a target, they are pushed 10 feet
3 - Cloud: Can cast Fog Cloud at will, but can only have 1 instance at a time
4 - Flame: Leaves a trail of flames, dealing damage to others that cross it
5 - Mud: Area within 10 feet is difficult terrain
6 - Wind: Can cast Gust as a bonus action
7 - Thunder: Damages enemies is dashes past/through
8 - Stone: Has double the normal amount of HP
9 - Tree: Regenerates a small amount of HP each turn, slows down each turn it does so
10 - Poison: Attacks deal an additional amount of poison damage

Spirit Powers

The Shaman is also invested with pure spirit powers in proportion to the number of Followers they have. The number is equal to 6 - the number of sets of Spirit Followers they have.

1 - Spirit Vision: As True Vision, always active
2 - Barkskin: As the spell, at will
3 - Perfect Senses: They cannot be surprised, and detect anything automatically unless magically hidden
4 - Alter Self: As the spell, three times per day
5 - Wild-Shape: As the Druid Ability, using the Forms of their Spirit Followers
6 - Strength of the Storm: Can cast Thunderous Smite every other turn
7 - Investiture of Ice: As the spell, once per day
8 - Entreat the Earth:
9 - Gifts of Thorns: Can cast Ensaring Strike every other turn
10 - Verdent Blood:

The Shaman's Sacred Space

This is the Shaman's secret retreat, where they go to commune with Nature and the Spirits. They will protect it viciously, like a cornered animal with her pups.

1 - A Secret Spring
2 - A Spirit-Shaped Tree
3 - A Rock-Bound Garden
4 - An Animal Graveyard
5 - A Wind-Swept Hilltop
6 - A Remote Islet

The Shaman's Totem

This is how the Shaman maintains their relationship and transactions with the spirits. Without it, they are nothing. Their offerings are place at its foot, or within it.

1 - A Totem Pole, many animals high
2 - Bone-Carved Charms tied around the fore-arms
3 - A necklace of Animal Charms
4 - A Knotted, Carven Saff
5 - A Cape of many skins, furs, and feathers
6 - A Series of winding, intricate tatoos
7 - A Mural of Nature Scenes and Animals
8 - A Decorated Tree, covered in Dream-catchers and Animal Charms

How Do They Contact Spirits?

This is the method by which they see what cannot be seen by the sight of mortals.

1 - Images in Smoke
2 - Whilst High on Hallucinogenics
3 - In the Depths of Dreams
4 - A Magical Mud Manifestation
5 - In the Flowing of a Waterfall
6 - Through Animated Cave Paintings
7 - In the coiling of Blood in Water
8 - In the Dancing Heart of Flames
9 - Whispers on the Wind
10 - In the Midst of the Drum-Trance

What is their Relationship with the Spirits?

This is how they consort with the spirits.

1 - Domineering: The Spirits regret them
2 - Slavery: The Spirits serve unwillingly
3 - Transactional: The Spirits serve, for a price
4 - Friendly: The Spirits serve willingly
5 - Guardians: The Spirits protect the one they love
6 - Vessel: The Shaman is an instrument of the Spirits

The Shaman's Tasks

These are the ways they fight back against the cancer of civilisation. Once a task has been performed, or otherwise rendered impossible, they will generate a new one. They will attempt them with all stealth if possible. They do not wish to bring too much attention to themselves.

1 - Poison a Well
2 - Set a Rot in a Building's Foundation
3 - Damage a Crop-Field
4 - Ambush a Forest-Patrol
5 - Sabotage a Forest-Hunt
6 - Destroy a Homestead away from the Village
7 - Spread the Trees of the Grove
8 - Plant a Totem-Tree
9 - Cull the Herds of the Farmers
10 - Set a Wildfire
11 - Lay down the Bones of the Dead
12 - Feed a person to the Wilds

The 1001 Nights of the Khilaj Alramaad

Oh the Khilaj Alramaad, the Gulf of Dusts!

How mighty your dunes, how bright shining your oases!
1 Night is not enough for the wonders of the Desert,
10 Nights is not enough to carry away its treasures,
100 Nights you might live if you know its secrets,
1000 Nights will your bones bleach in the sun if you do not.

Many are the stories of the desert travelers. Many are the nights they have spent beneath uncountable stars, above the uncountable sands, surrounded by unending horizons. They are suffocated by infinities; thus their propensity for tales with endless variations and themes. These are their most famous, their most enduring:

1 - The Cackling Court
2 - Qut, the Wildcat-with-the-fur-studded-with-stars
3 - The Pangopolis
4 - Midrab of the Warm Breeze
5 - Nar, Burning Goat that guards the Oasis
6 - The Grand Council of the Philosopher Mice
7 - The Sand Palace of the Coyote Prince
8 - Tumbletown
9 - Sabaar, the Spiney Sea
10 - Ujuf, Mesa-Castle of the Giant-Lord
11 - The Oasis of Milk and the Trees of Honey
12 - The Glass Fortress of the Djinn King
13 - The Countless Stones
14 - The Khatia, the Mirage-Men
15 - The Ancient Tombs of Lost Theroptera
16 - The Tree of Sorrows
17 - The Tent City of the Scarab-People
18 - The Crocodile's Graveyard
19 - The Locust Knights of Sahandalar
20 - The Mayit, the Dune-Ghouls
21 - Salihafar, the-Turtle-that-grows-Dunes-on-its-back
22 - The Serpent of Bones
23 - Nasir, the Vulture of Mighty Wing-Beat
24 - The Cursed Ahmar, the Cannibal-men of the Valley-Caverns
25 - The Sand-Souled Nomads of the Desert God
26 - The Cavern of 10,000 Wonders
27 - Zerzura, City of the Pillars
28 - The Riddling Beast of the Shadowed Pass
29 - The Desert's Maw
30 - The Fountain of the Sun and the Hanging Gardens of the Moon

1 - The Cackling Court

They appear as Hyenas, first spotted dappled with heat-haze on the crest of a far-off dune. You hear the laughing and smell the rancid dog-smell. They will circle you for many hours, laughing and slobbering at the thought of you. They will scatter if approached, until it is time to strike. They are Hungry-Spirits, manifestations of the Khilaj's endless thirst. Even when they attack, they remain at a distance, and will attack and latch on to stragglers, attempting to drag them away from the group. As their prey are held, the mighty hunger of the spirits drains the life from their flesh, exhausting as if by starvation in minutes. Once two or three of a group are taken, the Court will leave, and feast on the dry and dessicated flesh of the unlucky 'til only bones remain. They will be back for the others too, eventually.

Appearing: 3d4
Special: If the roll includes a double, the pack is lead by a double HD Alpha who projects a withering aura as the Bane spell. If the roll includes a triple, the pack is lead by a triple HD Alpha who also frightens those it grapples.

2 - Qut, the Wildcat-with-the-fur-of-stars

A tiny, fickle thing that loves to dance and cavort under the impossible stars of the Khilaj. To those on whom it takes a liking, it can grant stellar blessings based upon the birth-constellation of the recipient, though it does love itself to receive gifts in return for this, even if the blessing was unasked for. Against those that displease it though, tiny comets will hurtle screaming from its empyreal-furs. It loves to crunch on teeth and suck on eyeballs, and it particularly loves the teeth and eyes of those it likes very much, and those it utterly hates. It also hoards magical items and accouterments, though it avoids such base things as weapons.

Appearing: Unique

3 - The Pangopolis

A city built into and onto a Pangolin the size of a small hill. Each scale of the Pangolin has been fashioned into a building. Slums are on the tail, waving and wild (and closest to the scent-sacs...). Taverns and Inns rest on the feet for the benefit of travelers and visitors. The Noble quarter lie on the sides of the Pangolin where they can get the most shade. No-one lives on the belly. Government can be found on the head and neck of the Pangolin, because they got there first. Much of the sustenance of the people of the city comes from the taken from the Pangolin's mighty capillaries and distilled into a crimson soup, and also edible scraps taken from the Pangolin's left-overs and leavings. This diet leaves long-term somewhat... strange. The Pangopolis is also the home of Pangolin-Plate, a really quiet excellent medium-weight armour that is wonderfully light and flexible for its hardness.
They say that the master of the Pangopolis lives not in one of the Pangolin's scales, but inside the skull of the Pangolin, and controls not just the laws of the city, but the City and the creature it is built on itself.

4 - Midrab of the Warm Breeze

Actually extremely friendly, though most take it for a monster on first blush, and they are swept away by the dust devils and tornadoes the Bat will summon up with its twirling flight and wings. It has a particular hatred of the Cackling Court, and will often help travelers stalked by them, and strike up a conversation with them once the Hungry-Spirits are driven off. Its roost is high up in a cloud, hollowed out by the Bat, where it keeps a hoard of magical Fire-Gems which it swallows to fuel its breezes and to help keep it buoyant.

Appearing: Unique

5 - Nar, Burning Goat that guards the Oasis

Cursed by the Spirits of the Desert for some ancient infraction, Nar is a Fire-Spirit in the form of a mighty goat the size of a large camel. It guards the Oasis it once defiled, and now cannot enter it on pain of death, a fate which it finds utterly abhorrent. Thusly, it will suffer no others to use the Oasis either. Its Eyes and Horns and Hooves blaze with flames, and when it gallops about in battle, it leaves glass hoof-prints in the sand. If it rears up and smashes its feet into the sand, it creates a deadly storm of broken glass. Needless to say, its charge is flaming death. Its hide is charcoal black, and it radiates such, such heat. It is said that if Nar was to be slain, you could forge metal with only the skin of the goat as your forge. This is so far unsubstantiated of course.

Appearing: Unique

6 - The Grand Council of the Philosopher-Mice

Engaged in an unending symposium in the ruined courtyard of some ancient palace, the Philosopher-Mice are determined to unknot the mysteries of the universe. Divided in roughly equal numbers between Mathematicians, Proto-Scientists, Alchemists, Physicians, Antiquarians, and Pure Philosophers, they chug away at their 'Micron Opus' which they say will lay bear every possible secret there could possibly be, by elucidating the very foundational aspects of reality, and thus by addition, literally all there can ever be. They will explain their thesis at great length to any who will listen, though at this point, few do. The Philosopher-Mice are generally genuinely friendly, though they quickly tire of those who can't "keep up". They will eagerly trade for food, particularly fine wine, but they only pay in "knowledge and gratitude". This has all resulted in them gaining a reputation as pretentious pricks. They could be persuaded to use their various skills and knowledge for you, if you can convince them your cause is "worthy" (though this is regularly supplemented, or even replaced, by decent donations).

7 - The Sand Palace of the Coyote Prince

The Coyote Prince (who is too beautiful for such a base thing as a name) is a Spirit of Beauty and Hospitality. Its mighty palace is opulent in the extreme, jewels and treasures of the desert intergrated into the sandstone walls with the uttermost taste and sense of art, and the Courtiers and Attendants of the Prince spend much of their time ensuring they and the palace are as beautiful as possible. The Coyote Prince itself will gladly receive visitors, and offer them incredible hospitality. Somewhat because of its beauty, and somewhat because of its spirit-magics, it is all but impossible to refuse the its requests, should it wish it so. Flattery however, is said to get you a long way with it, and there are many tales of those who have escaped the geas of the Coyote Prince through tactical compliments and excuses. The palace is guarded on all sides by Pack-Patrols of 2d6 Coyotes, and the Coyote Prince itself is always attended by a double-size pack.

Appearing: Unique + Coyote Guards (see description)

8 - Tumbletown

The Monks who Dwell in the Dojo of the Ever-Spinning Earth bear but 3.14 rules.
1st: He who ceases movement must die [Spiritually speaking at least].
2nd: He who cannot accept the flow of the world must die [Again, spiritually speaking].
3rd: He who by his efforts, changes the flow of the earth even but slightly, is glorious.
3.14th: You can't change the flow of the earth, the wind however is another matter.
The monk who thought up the 3.14th rule thought he was hilarious. He is not.
The Tumbletown rolls perpetually over the desert, huge, twisted, hollow. Within the titanic tumble-weed, easily 600 feet in diametre, is a spherical Dojo, endlessly jostled and carried about by the Tumble-weed that houses it. To say the day to day life of the Ascetics within is chaotic is an understatement, but one that they are relentlessly accustomed to. They follow an path of accepting enlightenment, being taken where-ever the literal and spiritual winds of their lives take them. A small community has grown up around them, all having to take on the Monk's philosophy to at least a small degree. They don't have much, but donations come in semi-regularly from people hoping to earn some small token of karmic favour from the merciless powers of chance. Some whisper, that within the very deepest heart of the Dojo, is a Pearl that allows power over the very Winds themselves, but locked within an iron trunk to prevent its use, symbolic of the giving up of control the Monk's practice every day. The monks vehemently deny such things of course.

9 - Sabaar, the Spiney Sea

The caldera of some ancient catastrophe, whatever happened left the soil supernaturally fertile, and so it has become totally, utterly overtaken by Cacti. It is a veritable ocean of Cacti, impenetrable (at least practically speaking) to animals. Some sail the surface of the sea on flat-bottomed boats propelled along on metal-shod poles. They seek out the very largest cacti to harvest their huge spines, and to pump out the water they store within. The bravest, or most foolish, seek the heart of the Spined Sea to find the storied ruins of the city, or perhaps temple, whose people caused the Sea to rise in ancient days. At least one wizard has carved their tower out of a large Cactus, and so-called Spinestown hangs the spines of a truly titanic Cactus, guarded by huge Ballistae. Though, it isn't all fun and games.
Boars the size of houses are said to roam the distant floor of the Sea in its deepest sections, unphased by the cacti's spines. They crunch on the Cacti, which spells doom for rafts that happen to be perched on them at the time.
Swarms of hand-sized Lizards, small enough to fit between the spines of the cacti, strip flesh from bone in minutes.
Many-legged monkeys throw crude spine-spears.
Slow and methodical Spider-Giants shoot ropes of webs at their prey to dash them against the spines.
Humming birds will drain the blood from your veins as readily as they drain the water from the Cacti they perch on.
And most veterans agree something worse haunts the very nadir of the Sea, though none of them can agree on what it actually is.

10 - Ujuf, Mesa-Castle of the Giant-Lord

Long ago, when the Giants fled Old Fomoria, one of their number, counted mighty among them, eventually settled in the Khilaj, and became a mighty Robber-Baron of the sands. Now though, he is dead and rotting, slain by a coalition of mighty heroes. It is said that in his might, he had two heads and four arms and three legs, though now only bones remain. The Castle is still adorned in the finery and memorabilia of the Ancient Home of the Giants, but the Castle is infested with vermin and wandering spirits. The darkest rumours suggest that the Giant-Lord has risen again, but in truth, its bones have been animate and over-taken by a hive-swarm of angry famine spirits, desperate to escape the dead and drained castle. They long for somewhere new and verdant to devour...

Appearing: Unique

11 - The Oasis of Milk and the Trees of Honey

Once a storied and revered sanctuary for wanderers of the desert, it is now a rancid and rotten place. The milk is now a crust of thick black foam over a thin pool of stinking rot, and the honey that once flowed from the trees is now thick, crusted, and sour. Normally, this corruption would be cleansed by the oasis by its attendant spirits, but they have been chased away by the Defiler Wasps. They are the size of a man's hand, shell-skeletons as hard as ceramic, stings that literally burn. The swarm is hypnotic in its roiling and undulating. They have overtaken the whole oasis, chewing the honey and dumping bodies into the pool of milk. They have formed a huge, cracking and creaking hive in a set of rocks and boulders near the pool. At its heart is the Queen of the Defiler Wasps, a terrible Demon that is growing fat and powerful on the honey. Eventually, she and her swarm will grow huge and numerous enough to assault and destroy the various cities and powers of the Khilaj, and rule it all.

12 - The Glass Fortress of the Djinn King

Sumptuous and Glorious, with many many powers and titles, but also cursedly miserly and paranoid. It will go to any length to avoid granting the many wishes it frequently promises as rewards for services and works it commissions. It is attended and defended by a band of Brass-Clad Fire Giant guardians, and it also has an extensive Seraglio of Water-Nymph Odalisques, who hate him in the cool, indifferent way of their kind. The Djinn King's riches are extensive, well-documented, and exceptionally well defended by magic, magical guardians, and curses. One of its most favoured excuses for not handing out rewards it has promised is that they can only pay out once the (unending and endlessly cyclical) appraisal of its vaults is completed, or that it will grant the wish once its other guest has left, who is certainly due to arrive any moment now! (it always has guests either present, or imminently arriving)

Appearing: Unique + 2d4 Fire Giant Allies + Servantry

13 - The Countless Stones

In a great caldera in the desert, surrounded by high dunes, stands a great monument of concentric and intertwining rings of standing stones, each three times the height of a man. You can see that there are many of them, but if you stop to count them, you will not be able to achieve a satisfactory answer. If you try again, your result will be different again. And again. And again. If you count and count and count, you might be impelled to count forever, and be trapped. Logic does not work here. It is the magic of the spirits that rules here, and it is in their world that you stand now. If you enter the stones and wander their spiral paths, you will find not logic to the paths, and it is only natural that you will become lost. Dreams stalk the corridors of the stones, manifesting shape and potency from your mind. These predatory spirits will seek to slake the hunger of the stones with your blood. If you do traverse the stones though, and if you can overcome the trials of the spirts, you will reach the Place of Meetings, where man and spirit may meet and speak at peace, and powerful spirits at that. At the very heart of the Place of Meetings is the stand that bears that most singular flower, the Nomad's Rose, whose nectar brings knowledge and wisdom to its imbiber. Needless to say, few have ever drunk of it.

14 - The Khatia, the Mirage-Men

They never quite mean to lead to the accidental and tragic death of those they cross paths with, but they don't really go out of their way at all to avoid it, and will happily gather up the now unused trinkets and finery their unwitting prey left behind under pretensions of necessity and expedience. These trinkets and baubles are then disguised by their mirage-magics as being being mere curios and the like. They can be somewhat friendly, (or at least polite) if you can get around their lies, but if you ever call them out on it, they will become defensive in the extreme. No one else in the Khilaj likes the Khatia, they are widely known as massive hypocrites, and rightly so.

Appearing: 2d4

15 - The Ancient Tombs of Lost Theroptera

The old God-Kings of the River-Valleys were rich from the sweat of their willing slaves, and in death, they reviled all gods and powers, and sealed themselves in fortress-tombs of stone; sealed with many guardians and magics, daring death to come and claim them. Death eventually came for them of course, coiling like smoke through the gaps in the sealed gates, slaying guardians with impunity, and unweaving spells with a bony finger like the blade of scissors through soft fabric. Today, the wards still stand, and many guardians yet live, the Pyramid Tomb-Castles of the old Valley-Kings unconquered by any other force. And if all those legends are true, there must also be a King's fortune of gold hidden within as well. Perhaps some of the Ancient Valley Kings even held off death too...

16 - The Tree of Sorrows

Out in the deepest desert, trees are a rare sight. But this one is huge, a good 100 feet tall. Its branches twist up from the thick twisted trunk in writhing spirals like flame. On the lowest branches are hanged men, their spilled guts feeding the tree with blood. Atop each mighty branch, is perched the sun-bleached skull of some untold sinner. Each skull bears a carven sigil, binding with the skull the spirit of the old sinner, forever tortured by the burning sun, and forever compelled to speak truth to those who should ask of them questions. Many bodies are caught in the knots of the trees, having fallen from above, failing to reach the skulls and the truths they can tell. There are further tales that the tree itself is hollow, and inside is the gnarled and broken body of the first sinner, around whom the whole tree has grown; though to investigate this at all and mar the tree with tool to split it apart would result in your hanging and gutting, hung from the tree to rot.

17 - The Tent City of the Scarab-People

A society of semi-sedantry, semi-nomadic farmers; they grow food in mighty balls of manure that they push around the desert from oasis to oasis to prevent the dung-balls from drying out. Mostly they are pretty friendly, at least on the fringes of their Nomad-City. The deeper into the rings of tents and shelters you go, the richer and more hostile the Scarab-People become, and patrols of Scarab-Soldiers patrol the inner circles to keep "undesirables" from getting to the Scarab-Shahs, the rules of the Tent city. There are rumours that the chief of the Shahs is the Scarab-Sultan, but no outsider has been deep enough into the city to confirm or deny this, and many scholars doubt its existance on the grounds of "just because it sounds nice doesn't mean it has to exist" (which in itself is a good insight into fantasy scholarship tbh). The Scarab-People tend mighty desert-millipedes the size of elephants as mounts and livestock, their main source of manure and physical labour, though they will never give up the opportunity to trade for a good source of manure. Some of the Scarab-People are even adventurers themselves, plundering the necropoli and ruins the City passes by for trinkets and treasures that they peddle on the outskirts of the city, where they are most likely to find the outsiders who will buy them. Some humans and other races have established a strange relationship with the Scarab-People, submitting to becoming Man-Cattle, constantly eating to provide manure for the Dung-Farms, caught in a curious state somewhere between guest-friend and farm-animal.

Appearing: Medium City

18 - The Crocodile's Graveyard

A crazy maze of old bones and tents of dried, scaled skin, skeletons between the size of your finger and the size of your house. Tended by the Graveyard's Scaled Priest, who dress themselves in old skins and build houses of memory and veneration out of rib-cages and dried scales. The angriest skeleton-spirits receive offerings of blood upon their old, dry jaws.
Only a few travelers get devoured by restless dead crocodiles each year while coming to try to gain the favour of those very spirits.
A Necromancer has moved in recently, and has been stealing the secrets of the most ancient crocodiles, and marring them with wolf-teeth wounds to prevent the spirits from seeking retribution. The Scale-Priests know of the Necromancer, but they know not where they are. Eventually the Necromancer will be able to use the secrets it takes to become a primal kind of Lich, much as many of the more powerful crocodiles have done, harnessing the power of ancient creatures and powers to live forever, carving its phylactery from a thousand thousand crocodile teeth. If the Necromancer has teeth, it can bind the spirit that once owned them, it has carved many into protective charms, and it has made a pair of ancient jaw-bones into knuckledusters.

19 - The Locust Knights of Sahandralar

Questing nobles of the Great Democracy of the undying Lands. They only ever refer to their goals as "The Noble Quest!" which has lead to much confusion, as each group has its own different "Great Quest". They are pretty friendly and chivalrous for the most part, though they can be brutal in the extreme if they perceive you as standing between them and their destination. They are chatty and love to sing around campfires in the dimness of evening, though as allies they can be quite mercurial.

Appearing: 2d8, the higher result indicates Knights armed with Lances, the lower indicating Knights armed with Crossbows.

Special: The Lead Lancer has +d3 HD, and is a noted Hero of Sahandralar

20 - The Mayit, the Dune-Ghouls

They were men once, but the treachery of the desert caused their Yellow Humours to rise up in a great torrent, and now they are withered and dry, hungry for fluids. Damage they inflict dessicates the flesh, and the extra water the victim must consume to recover has lead many groups to their death even after their victory over the ghouls, their water supplies proving insufficient after the attack to reach safety. The Dune-Ghouls are cunning ambushers; many hide in the sand, completely buried such they they can burst forth for surprise, and others will steal the arms and armour of their victims in the night before attacking.

Appearing: d4 (exploding result)

21 - Salihafar, the-Turtle-that-grows-Dunes-on-its-back

A Turtle like a mountain, it drags itself slowly through the desert, and dunes grow on it when it rests to sleep, before it awakes, shakes them off like water, and continues on. At least one group of Druids dwell on its Lithic-Shell, sewing stones and nurturing boulders on its back. A group of Ascetic Monks call the Turtle their home too, espousing their vows and the virtues of poverty from the lowly and lonely crags of the shell. The Turtle crunches rock like pigs crunch conkers, though it feeds slowly on the stone. Indeed, so slowly that some might live, grow old, and die without ever knowing the true nature of that mountain beyond the horizon. Currently, it chews on the old, old ruins of some forgotten city, all traces of it slowly slipping down the gullet of the creature. Some peoples have sent men to see what lurks within the vast belly of the beast, and the prospectors that return tell of vast mineral fortunes within the walls of living stone. They also speak of the great terrors that dwell within alongside them...

22 - The Serpent of Bones

No tales speak of the Origins of the Serpent of Bones, it is cursed, and must never be given a name. It swallows its prey whole, the meat and fluids being crushed and pulverised by the shifting throat of the Serpent such that the gory mess leaks out through the stained neck of the beast, and the bones are retained within the thing's 'stomach'. These bones are used to repair damage dealt to the Serpent's osseous form. Despite the shape it takes, the Serpent is not particularly fast or flexible, and mostly relies on ambush to trap prey for swallowing, or its crushing weight to beat foes to death. It can burrow through the sand, though slowly and not without great effort, it is infinitely patient. None know of the serpents desires or intents, or if it even has thought higher than that of base animals, it is an enigma.

Appearing: Unique

23 - Nasir, the Vulture of Mighty Wing-Beat

Spirit-Brother of Midrab of the Warm Breeze, its wing-beats brush up mighty storms, but for the most part the Vulture is slothful and indolent. Mostly it circles high above the Khilaj, drifting lazily down to kill easy prey and beating up a great storm to hide its hideous form from prying eyes, which it hates. Its feaths are ragged and pale, its flesh is dry tatters, and its beak is cracked and flaking. It hates to be seen, except from far away. It is spiteful and crass, though it is mostly indifferent to man, and may even strike up a conversation with those that avoid looking at it and show it compassion and pity.

Appearing: Unique

24 - The Cursed Ahmar, the Cannibal-men of the Valley-Caverns

They are accursed and totally hateful. Any other denizen of the Khilaj will attempt to butcher them if they can, and will flee with haste and fear if they can't. They wear white, chalky masks with obsidian-black lenses. The chins of the masks are stained a hateful brown by blood. They might have been men once. They certainly aren't now if they ever were. They are utterly wicked. They will eat you if they can. Their weapons are cruel, as are they in temperament. They should not be dealt with lightly.

Appearing: In the Valley of the Ahmar: village - As an Encounter: 3d6
Special: If there are no duplicates, they are lead by a double HD Brave. If there are any duplicates, they are lead by a double HD Shaman.

25 - The Sand-Souled Nomads of the Desert God

They gave themselves over to the Desert and its gods and their Yellow Humours, so now their flesh is made of sand and their eyes are made of glass. They need no sustenance, and they need no comforts. They roam the desert on lizard-back, and commune with spirits. Their primary work is transforming the desert in accordance with the long plans of the earth; excavating oases, building high dunes, sowing stones adn boulders. They never wander from their tribe except for when their tasks demand it. They are completely dedicated to the cause. Their eyes would be the ideal material for the creation of divination tools, and also would probably be potent alchemical ingredients as well.

Appearing: d6*d10

26 - The Cavern of 10,000 Wonders

I'm going to cheat on this one a bit.
Deep in the desert, it is said, is a cave that goes down to the very core of the earth. When the world was ruled by the God-Emperor of early Man, he buried all his most brilliant and most lovely treasures in a cavern in the middle of the desert, that he might be the only one in all the world to posses such glories as he did. It was futile of course. He was neither god, nor emperor of all the earth, but he did posses wonderful things, and the cave is out there, if you could ever find it, or survive the things that dwell within:

d20 Wonders of the Caverns
1 - A trapped Djinn, tangled within a ball of star-cat fur. It offers favours from the Djinn King in exchange for its freedom.
2 - A Diamond the size of a baby, carved to resemble a baby.
3 - A Staff that morphs halfway up to resemble a snake, and eventually become a spiting, biting actual snake.
4 - A Vial of crystal that turns any liquid poured inside into pure water. Powered by a captured and otherwise powerless dryad who takes on the impurities and corruptions of the given liquids.
5 - A Statue 100 feet tall of a man wrestling a serpent with bull's horns.
6 - A clockwork guardian that receives instructions through something like morse-code, inputted on its back. There is a very comfortable leather seat attached near the control-input.
7 - A Globe representing a world absolutely nothing like the game-world, set in gems and jewels of many, many colours.
8 - A Jade Scorpion pendent. Wearing it means certain death.
9 - A beautiful and opulent rug. Meditation upon it allows instantaneous communication with any-one else who is also meditating on a rug.
10 - A Sword of polished and shining wood. Striking a target causes them to lignify in lieu of causing trauma. Those "slain" by the sword turn into tree-like corpses that grow themselves.
11 - A Single Arrow expertly carved out of glass. No other powers, just made of glass.
12 - A Turtle that talks at length about the politics of ancient powers no longer on earth as if it was the most common parlour talk in the world.
13 - A Goose that lays golden eggs that hatch into terribly venomous serpents if not boiled.
14 - A beautiful chest inlay-ed with shell. Within, curls an animate, pearl-carved tiger-cub.
15 - A curled dagger, that when drawn from its sheath, leaves behind a solid trail of ice.
16 - Like, just the best damn hookah in the world, like, you don't even know.
17 - An armband of exquisite design, covered in the promises of the protection of angels. No actual powers.
18 - A sapphire mask depicting a mighty battle-scene. Apparently once the identifying mark of an ancient hero-vigilante.
19 - A leering monkey statue holding out a great ruby as an offering. Trapped up to the bloody gills, if monkeys had gills.
20 - A Serpent statue with diamond eyes, poisoned needles for teeth, and nuggets of adamantium for scales.

d10 Guardians/Monsters of the Caverns
1 - A Djinn swordsman, whose sword is the south-wind.
2 - The spirits of the ancient dead, who always appear as those you love most.
3 - A Serpent of flame with basalt eyes; the only material part of its body.
4 - Hunger-Spirits of the Cackling Court.
5 - Animated-Sand Golems.
6 - Beautiful, filigree clock-work golems.
7 - Undead Crocodile-men, armed with ancient weapons inlayed with silver.
8 - A giant, with five eyes spread around his head, and talons like an eagle instead of hands.
9 - Scorpions with the heads of men; they throw insults that cannot be ignored.
10 - A Dragon, soft of scale and talon, without wings or eyes, but its tongue is silvered like a serpents, and its knowledge of magic is terribly formidable.

27 - Zerzura, City of the Pillars

Zerzura is sometimes dismissed from the hash-hazed tables of academics as mere myth. Those that know the desert as well as they know their wives, know that far off, on the horizon, you might see the very highest of the spires of the Lost City of Pillars scratching the skies. They do not go there. There are no streets, only wide shining plazas between the great towers. They are tall, tall staves of white rock, ringed with dark windows and rough-carven verandas. The tops of the towers are wide and flat, each topped with a fountain with clear, crystal waters. They are hundreds of feet wide, standing lonely against the sand-horizon. There are many bridges running between the inner levels of the towers amongst the lower levels, and the waters of the fountains high above are channeled down onto them, crashing onto the bridges and then finally the ground. Strangely, the bridges have not eroded away over the aeons. It is said that profound secrets and truths lurk in the waters of the Zenith-Fountains, some in the forms of fish, others in the hearts of crystals, others in carven words. Nothing moves in this quiet city. Perhaps it has guardians, though they must be well-hidden, or invisible. Some of the pillars contain strange, mechanical constructions running through them, with unknown maker or function. Most unsettlingly of all, there are no spirits here, save for the spirits of the fountains. the city is strange, cold, and dead, even by the standards of the desert.

28 - The Riddling Beast of the Shadowed Pass

A great Sphinx, with the head of a Man, the belly of a Lion, the legs of a Locust, the Wings of an Eagle, and the tail of a Scorpion. It guards a lonely pass through a great mountain range into and out of the Khilaj, and it takes great pleasure in offering travelers a way out of their impending devouring; a contest of riddles. To begin with, it really wasn't all that good, and was often hungry, but in recent years it has improved vastly, and news is slow to spread of this fact. The venom of its tale induces cancers in bone, its breath is intoxicating, and its bite is savagely damaging. In spite of all that, it is also something of a coward, and will flee any battle that doesn't go immediately its way. If cornered, and clearly outmatched, it will beg for its life, and offer the secrets of those it has devoured, for its belly digests the mind as well as the body. This last bit is a lie. It is just that desperate not to die.

Appearing: Unique

29 - The Desert's Maw

Three rivers feed the Maw after their long, winding journies through the desert. Many tribes and peoples offer their sacrifices and criminals to it to assuage the anger of the Earth, or the Beast, or God, or whatever it is. What it definitely is, is a vast, vast pit in the earth. Half a mile in diameter, miles and miles in depth. And it is ringed at all depths and levels with vast, vast teeth. Tunnels and caverns stud its sides too, and while none have ever been satisfactorily mapped or explored in their entirety, there are peoples and groups that have built their homes within them. Much is paid for Maw-Ivory carved out from the great teeth of the Maw, and such there will always be those willing to risk the wrath of the Maw for riches. They do not dwell too deep though, down there the walls are meaty and raw, and the air is filled with the stench of rot. Of course, there are all kinds of myths and legends of the origins of the Maw. Perhaps it is the slowly fossilising corpse of an ancient titan, or the earthly remains of a slain god sinking into the earth, or the sleeping form of a mighty spirit. Who can say.

30 - The Fountain of the Sun and the Hanging Gardens of the Moon

A great Garden-Complex, built about 2 opposite and opposing shrines; An almight Pagoda for the Sun, guarded by a Spider that has caught it in its web; and A great Pillared Promenade for the Moon, caught by a Serpent that constricts it.
The Garden is composed of many hanging galleries from which dangle all sorts of ivies and other such plants, haunted by Spiderous-Monkeys who building crude villages spun from the plants, and who drop from above to ambush rival tribes or adventuring bands. They flee though at the passing of the Gardeners, which are something like Jelly-fish floating serenely in the air, their body-sacs filled with starry voids and nebulas, which pour forth waters to nourish the garden. They fight a losing battle against the loss of the Garden's Sun and Moon. Soon it will all wither away. Silver-Feathered birds meander lazily through the trees and prey on chalky-white lizards the size of tigers, pecking off hand-sized scales before fluttering away.
The Serpent is purple with jagged bands of black, and has three great frills upon its head. It squeezes the Moon in its Promenade, eternally trying to crack it open for the golden yolk that it thinks lies inside. It speaks in a low, sonorous whisper, cooing and singing to the Moon, trying to tempt it into breaking. Its gaze causes immortality; your eyes calcify into shining white moons, and your life slowly drifts away from you. Unless you can be shown the light of the sun, and quickly, you will become trapped in the garden forever, unable to find your way out, and there are more than one group of unfortunate adventurer-undead who have met this sorry fate wandering the gardens.
The Pagoda of the Sun is a large, but squat building at the opposite end of the Gardens to the Promenade of the Moon, and inside it is something like and arena with four great statues at each corner. The statues hold burning braziers that pour forth a glowing golden water that flows down into carven channels in the floor, following strange geometric routes through further small pagodas and gazebos within the greater structure before reaching the centre, and then rising up into a beautiful shining fountain, at the apex of which floats the Sun. Currently though, it is obvious it does not flow up as high as it wishes, and a great web constrains the waters and the sun with it. The Spider of the Fountain drinks the glowing waters, which causes it to glow from within through the cracks and joins of its exoskeleton. It will suffer no-one to touch its great treasure, and it crouches and stalks from above, using the Gazebos and Lesser Pagodas as stepping stones to chase men through the furrows that the light-water channels follow.
If the Sun and the Moon were to be freed, the Garden would begin to blossom again. This would call back the True Elves that planted it in aeons long ago. The Elves, the Serpent, and the Spider would war for control of the Lights of the Garden, striking from the Dark Corners of the buildings.